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sexual isolation

Sexuality has had it's ups and downs throughout history; in recent history, it has been deemed a sinful exercize which should be used only for procreation, yet in other periods of history it has been accepted as a component of human nature. However, throughout the whole of history, fetishism and kinky tendancies have been outcast as unhealthy psychological diseases. This is especially true in cultures where religion has a strong socio-political influence. Many cultures see sex as something dirty, sinful, or wrong; sexuality which is not simple procreation is considered devious and disgusting...

It is all to easy for someone with sexual desires which differ from the mainstream to feel as though there is something wrong with them... This is often accompanied by a sense of being alone and isolated, ashamed, or the sense that they need to hide and conceal their interests from their friends, family, and partners. Some have even been known to ignore their desires, or to try to supress them by discarding anything that they might associate with their kink. There is also often anxiety about how to talk to a partner or spouse about the hidden interest, and struggles to get the partner to participate in the fetish...

Superstition and misconceptions about fetishism is easily the greatest burden that comes with most cultures. Negativity toward human sexuality has plagued humanity for centuries; it is the greatest failure of the human race to think rationally. That anyone should be made to feel guilty for their natural inclinations is not only irrational; it is cruel and inhumane.

You are not alone. Whatever your fetish or interest may be, there are others like you, and others who share your interest. There is nothing wrong with you, and the things you find erotic and sexual are seen the same way by others. Whether your fetish is a physical activity, an article or object, a material or substance, or a sensory experience, such as a scent, sight, or sound- it is perfectly normal.

Now, it is true that many people do not share your fetishes, and to some they may seem bizzare, unhealthy, or even disgusting. The cultures many of us live in have very limited understanding of sexuality other than their own, and most societies have taught people to think of sexuality in very limited, narrow ways... but, each of us is different. As we grow from a child to adulthood, we each have different experiences, influences, and adopt different likes and interests.

Most fetishes stem from a person's early sexual experiences- and many of us had a sexual experience before our cognitive memory can recall. For some, it is in the infant stages, when gentials are inadvertantly stimulated by physical contact with something. For others, it is in their pubescence, and outside factors become a permanent part of their long-term stimulation. Others still develop fetishes as a psychological or emotional coping mechanism to link to something else in their past. And, often, once a fetish is discovered and explored, because it feels good and is enjoyable- it develops and expands to include other components. As one explores futher, they come in contact with other fetishes which may relate to their initial fetish, or may not- but as part of the exploration process, interest and involvement in other fetishes is not uncommon, and is perfectly healthy, in most cases.

For example, if someone develops a fetish for leather, it is not uncommon to also expand into the realms of rubber, latex, vinyl, PVC, and other shiny black materials. As an example, we'll use a fictional character named 'Steve'. When Steve was 8 years old, in his pubescence, he experimented with both males and females as he came to terms with his sexual identity. During one of his initial sexual experiences, a male partner placed his feet near his head during oral sex. While the main focus of that encounter was the oral sex, the influence of having feet near his face may, at a later stage in life, develop into a foot fetish. So, in his teen years, Steve discovers he is aroused by feet, and often involves his own feet in masturbation. In Steve's case, it is not uncommon to expand into the realms of sneakers, socks, smells, bastinado, or other related fetishes. Steve finds interest and eroticism in the smell of feet, and also started to enjoy smelling sneakers and socks, which, because of the nature of being pressed against the nose, also lead to interest in asphyxiation. Steve now also fantasizes about having feet pressed to his throat to stop his breathing during sex, and also fantasizes about being forced to smell sweaty armpits or sweaty bodies because of the correlation to the smell of feet... Now, this is just one example, and certainly isn't a universal one, but it illustrates how something in early sexual development can lead to a single fetish, and how that fetish can expand into other interests as well.

The entire purpose of this site is to help educate and inform, and that begins with the understanding that sexuality is healthy. Fetishes are healthy. Exploring your interests, and the things which make you feel good is normal. While you may be frustrated by the lack of people in your community who share your interests, and through you may feel trapped within a culture which does not understand your sexuality, it does not mean you are wrong or sick- it means you are unique, and have had experiences and situations which differ from others. Embrace who you are, and explore the things you enjoy... You are not alone.

 
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