family, faith & culture

coming out to family

There's no right age or right way to come out to family, and you never have to. Our coming out page covers planning it in detail. A few things matter most with family:

• Think about safety first. If you rely on family for money, housing or immigration status, have a backup plan before you tell them.
• Start with one person you trust most, like a sibling or cousin. They can be an ally when you tell others.
• Give them time. First reactions are often not final ones. Many families come round over months or years.
• Your kink is private. Coming out as gay, bi, trans or ace doesn't mean you owe anyone details of your sex life or play.

rejection & chosen family

Family rejection is a real loss, and grieving it is normal. It isn't your fault, and it doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

• Distance is allowed. Some people keep contact limited. Some go no-contact for a while, or for good. You can choose what protects you.
• Chosen family is real family. Queer people have always built families of friends, partners, exes, mentors and leather family. Many leather households call each other brothers, and that bond can run deep.
• Get support. A kink-aware therapist can help, and our support & crisis lines page has LGBTQIA+ services if you're struggling.
• If you've been made homeless or are in danger at home, reach out to an LGBTQIA+ service or your local emergency number. You don't have to handle it alone.

for parents & families

If you're a parent, sibling or relative trying to understand someone you love, thank you for being here. Listening, using the right name and pronouns, and saying "I love you" go a long way.

Parent and family groups exist in many countries, and several use the PFLAG name. Some of them, by region:

europe

• FFLAG (UK)A national charity for families of LGBT+ people, with a confidential helpline, email support, online and in-person parent groups.
• Chrysallis (Spain)A Spanish association supporting trans children and teenagers and their families.

latin america & the caribbean

• Fundación Todo Mejora (Chile)Its Familia a Colores programme offers counselling for parents and caregivers of LGBTQIA+ young people.

north america

• PFLAGThe largest US organisation for LGBTQ+ people and the people who love them, with resources, virtual meetings and communities for parents, dads and grandparents.
• Find a PFLAG chapterLocal PFLAG support groups across the US.
• pflag CanadaFounded by parents, with peer support and local chapters for 2SLGBTQIA+ people and their families across Canada.

oceania

• PFLAG+ AustraliaVolunteer-led peer support groups for parents, carers and friends of LGBTQIA+ people.

africa & the middle east

Many countries in these regions criminalise same-sex relations, so we don't list local groups. Check the law with ILGA World. If someone is in danger, they can ask Rainbow Railroad for help. Our support & crisis lines page lists local crisis lines in 110 countries.

faith

Many people are told they must choose between their faith and who they are. You don't. Many faiths have affirming communities where LGBTQIA+ people worship, lead and belong. If a faith community has hurt you, it's also fine to step away, take a break, or leave for good.

• GIN-SSOGIEThe Global Interfaith Network for People of All Sexes, Sexual Orientations, Gender Identities and Expressions, an international network for people of faith and spirituality.
• Global Network of Rainbow CatholicsMember groups in Africa, Asia Pacific, Europe, Latin America and North America, offering pastoral care for LGBTI people and their families.

europe

• European Forum of LGBTI+ Christian GroupsAn ecumenical network of over 40 groups in more than 20 countries.
• QuestA UK charity offering fellowship to LGBT+ Catholics, with regional groups, retreats and an annual conference.
• SarbatAn LGBT Sikh group working to tackle homophobia, biphobia and transphobia and build bridges within and beyond Sikh communities.

north america

• Q Christian FellowshipA community for LGBTQ+ Christians and allies across denominations, with conferences, groups and resources.
• Reconciling Ministries NetworkWorks for the full participation of LGBTQ+ people in the life and leadership of the United Methodist Church.
• DignityUSASupports LGBTQIA+ Catholics and allies in the US, with chapters, events and resources since 1969.
• KeshetWorks for the full equality of LGBTQ Jews and their families in Jewish life, with a resource library and events.
• EshelWorks for Orthodox Jewish communities that welcome LGBTQ+ people and their families.
• Muslims for Progressive ValuesA US organisation for inclusive Muslim values, with LGBTQI and sexual diversity resources and spiritual counselling.
• MASGDSupports, empowers and connects trans and queer Muslims, with gatherings and training.

culture, immigration & language

Coming out looks different across cultures. In some families, being openly queer is less important than keeping family harmony, and people find their own ways to live honestly. Neither path is braver or better.

• Language matters. Your family's language may not have kind words for who you are. Some people borrow words from English or another language, some reclaim old ones, and some explain through actions instead.
• Your culture is yours too. You don't have to give up your heritage to be queer or kinky.
• When it's not safe, it's okay not to come out. Protecting yourself is not hiding or failing. If you're in danger because of who you are, see our know your rights page, which includes Rainbow Railroad.
• Immigration status can make coming out riskier. Talk to an immigration lawyer or an LGBTQIA+ legal organisation before making big decisions.

• GaysiansA movement highlighting South Asian LGBTQ+ voices, with resources, letters and interviews, and strong ties to the UK.

holidays & family events

Weddings, religious festivals and holidays can bring old tensions back. A plan helps.

• Decide in advance how long you'll stay, and get there in your own car or with your own ticket home.
• Have an exit line, like "I need some air", and a friend you can text.
• Agree with your partner how you'll handle questions, and check in with each other.
• Choose your topics. You can say "I'm not discussing that today" and change the subject.
• Plan something kind for afterwards, like a chosen-family dinner or a quiet night in.
• You can skip it. Spending the day with chosen family is a real holiday too.