An accomplice is a kink-based relationship in which a person acts as a catalyst, or a discerning hand that adds the final, perfecting touch to play. Their art is one of precision and attunement. It is the capacity to observe a dynamic, understand its trajectory, and apply the exact, knowing intervention required to elevate it.

For example, a catalyst might deliver the perfect whisper of encouragement, the timely introduction of a tool, or the subtle gesture that amplifies the primary dynamic without ever seizing the spotlight. This is a relationship you might see between sister Dominants, brother submissives, or anybody working together.

Accomplice represents a reclamation of a term that is typically understood in nefarious contexts in connection with criminal behavior. In a kink context, it means taking part in the kind of personal freedom and self-expression that only kink can offer.

It is not an equal partner in crime. It is the tasteful accentuation of a goal assist. The perfect final spice. Chef's kiss. Just the right ingredient. That makes the recipe come to fruition. Perhaps when a sadist gives a fellow sadist just the perfect little nudge to the primary deliverer's masochist to complete the task at hand. - FetLife member

An adult nursing relationship (ANR), also known as adult breastfeeding, involves two (or more) adults who engage in adult breastfeeding together. Usually one person in the relationship (who may or may not lactate) has a partner who suckles regularly as part of their relationship. .

An ANR is usually a loving committed relationship between the people involved. It is usually less a single kink and more a flexible relationship dynamic centered on intimacy and bonding. It's often practiced as a long-term, community-supported lifestyle.

Some people specifically want to drink breast milk, while others are more interested in suckling, latching, or breast-focused intimacy. Dry nursing can still be part of an ANR or adult breastfeeding dynamic. 

Origins of the Term

The exact origins of the term adult nursing relationship are unclear, but it appears to have emerged from online adult breastfeeding communities around the early 2000s. Yahoo and MSN groups around this topic started popping up around this time, and began using the abbreviation ANR to describe ongoing nursing between adult partners.

By the mid-2000s, organized communities such as the Society of Nursing Couples had attracted thousands of members. This community appears to have been involved in how adult nursing was framed and named. Archived discussions from 2006 show ANR participants objecting to terms such as "fetish" and arguing for terms like adult nursing relationship (ANR) or adult breastfeeding relationship (ABF) because nursing could be intimate and sensual without necessarily being sexual.

Statistics About Adult Nursing Relationships

A survey of more than 4,000 Americans found that 31% of men reported having fantasized about breast milk in some way. A 2005 survey of almost 2,000 British men found that tasting a partner's breast milk (in a non-sexual context) was fairly common. There are more than 670 groups and 6,000 groups posts discussing ANR on FetLife.

Aspects of the Relationship

• Deep Physical Intimacy: Some people in ANR relationships love the deep physical bonding the act of nursing provides. The full body contact, shared experience, and emotional presence is what draws people to it.
• Sensory and Physical Pleasure: Breast stimulation, warmth, and comfort are all forms of pleasure that nursing can provide within a couple. People may find it calming, soothing, satisfying, sensual, or a combination of any or all of these things.
• Emotional Regulation: For some people, nursing can feel like "coming home." It can feel calming and comforting.
• Novelty: Nursing is sensual and sexy, but it isn't something everyone does. Some couples see it as a unique experience only they share.
• Care and Closeness: Nursing often involves cuddling, comfortable positions, and caretaking. Some people love how the dynamic reinforces caring and closeness between partners. It can also function as aftercare or as a bridge into other kinks.
• Physical/Emotional Pleasure: For the person providing nursing, the act can provide physical pleasure. People also get enjoyment out of the feeling of being worshipped or in control.

Alterous attraction is a form of emotional attraction that is neither strictly platonic nor romantic. It describes a desire for a deep, emotional closeness with another person that defies easy categorization. A person might feel a connection that is more intense than a typical friendship, but lacks the specific components that define a romantic relationship.

This term is an important part of the split attraction model, which proposes that romantic and sexual attractions are distinct and can occur independently. It provides a label for a type of attraction that exists on a spectrum outside of the platonic/romantic binary. It is particularly useful for those in the aspec community and for people who practice relational anarchy, as it provides a language to describe a legitimate and powerful form of connection that does not adhere to conventional relationship scripts.

Amatonormativity is the idea that a romantic, monogamous relationship is the “default,” or most important kind of connection. In kink contexts, it's often seen as a limiting cultural bias that can:

Marginalize dynamics like platonic partnerships, polyamory, play-only relationships, or solo kink.
Make it harder for people to value or prioritize connections that aren't romantic/monogamous.
Make people feel that kink partners should also be romantic or sexual partners, even when that’s not the intent.

Origins of the Term

The term was coined by philosopher Elizabeth Brake in her 2012 book "Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law." The term combines "amato," Latin for "beloved" or "love," and "normativity," the idea that something is a socially enforced standard. Brake's book was a critique of cultural and legal systems that prioritize romantic, monogamous partnerships over other connections.

Ambiamory is the capability of experiencing and enjoying both monogamous and polyamorous relationships, usually without much preference leaning either way.

Origins of the Term

The term "ambiamory" is relatively new and emerged as a way to describe individuals who do not strictly identify as monogamous or polyamorous. It highlights the fluidity of relationship orientations and challenges the binary thinking that often separates monogamy and polyamory. While it does not have deep historical roots in kink or popular culture, it has gained traction in discussions about ethical non-monogamy and relationship diversity.

Anal-only D/s refers to a Dominance and submission (D/s) dynamic in which anal sex or anal stimulation is the sole or primary form of sexual access, control, or activity between partners. It can be a temporary agreement, a play-based scene dynamic, or a long-term power exchange lifestyle.

Common elements of anal-only D/s include strap-on or biological anal penetration, orgasm control or denial, and anal-only chastity.

Aspects of the Relationship:

• Power Exchange: Anal-only D/s often amplifies feelings of control, vulnerability, and surrender. Anal sex can feel more taboo or intense, which heightens the emotional and erotic charge for both partners. For some, restricting other forms of penetration increases the sense of ownership or submission.
• Erotic Exclusivity: The act of making anal the “only” outlet can feel deeply symbolic, especially if other types of sex are off-limits. It can be integrated into chastity play, fetishes, or even cuckold/humiliation kinks.
• Training & Ritual: Submissives may be placed on an anal training protocol, progressively expanding their comfort and responsiveness. The dynamic can include toys, plugs, enema preparation, or behavioral rules (e.g., presenting their ass daily, being penetrated at set times, etc.).

An anchor partner typically refers to someone who is a central, stabilizing presence in another person's life — a long-term emotional and relational “anchor.” Anchor partners are people you have a strong, lasting bond with. They may share life plans or responsibilities, and remain a steady presence in your life without being called a “primary.”

This term is most often used in polyamory or polyamorous relationships. It can be used to describe a relationship's importance without hierarchical labels.

In many relationships, an anchor partner is also the person who provides emotional safety, grounding, and a sense of “coming home.” When someone emphasizes that emotional refuge, they may describe this same person as a harbor partner.

A person who is another person's closest friend.

Joined together, platonically or romantically, through a shared experience, event, feeling, desire, belief, hobby, or other commonality.

Boston marriage is a historical term for a life-partnership between two women who live together, share finances, and do so independent of any male relationships. Not all of these relationships were (or are) lesbian in nature, or even romantic, leading asexual and/or aromantic women to be drawn together in a type of queerplatonic relationship. In the past, a Boston marriage was also a way for a woman to avoid traditional marriage and children without scrutiny.

Boston marriage is also known as a "Wellesly marriage," due to how commonplace it was between academic women. This may have been because women were expected to release their academia upon marriage.

Although Boston marriages were not legal marriages, they were frequently seen as legitimate, natural, and respectable until around 1920. At that time, homosexuality became more recognized and Boston marriages were reinterpreted as being potentially sexual—and therefore suspect. Plus, by the 1920s, there were more options for women to live independently of a man thanks to women's suffrage, coeducation, and the ability to work.

In the modern day, most of these relationships are termed queerplatonic relationships, although the term has re-emerged, often to refer to straight women who live together for companionship and support.

Boyfriend is a relationship label that typically refers to someone who identifies as male, masculine, or aligns with a traditionally masc-presenting role in a romantic or sexual partnership. It usually suggests emotional connection, some level of ongoing involvement or commitment, and is often used in both monogamous and polyamorous dynamics.

While most people who use "boyfriend" identify as cis men, it can also include:

• Trans men
• Non-binary or genderfluid individuals who feel aligned with a masculine role or presentation
• Anyone who personally resonates with the term, regardless of gender assignment

A boywife is usually a man or masculine-aligned person who embraces a wife-coded role in a relationship while still identifying with boyhood or masculinity. The term is often used affectionately for someone who enjoys caring for their partner through homemaking, nurturing, cooking, domesticity, or simply embodying a soft, devoted partner dynamic.

Those with lesbian, transmasculine, nonbinary, or gender-nonconforming identities may choose the spelling "boiwife."

Boywife is most common in queer, femboy, nonbinary, and fandom spaces. It can be used by a man or masculine-aligned person to describe their own cute, domestic, nurturing, or wife-coded role in a relationship. It is also used by fans and romance communities to describe soft, devoted, or submissive-coded male characters and partners.

Origins of the Term

The exact origin of boywife is difficult to trace because it appears to have developed across overlapping online communities rather than from one clear source. Related forms like "boiwife" and "malewife" circulated in queer, Tumblr, fandom, and femboy spaces before boywife became more widely recognized.

romance usually refers to a natural orientation for the bond, connection, and friendship between men, or masc identified persons. This is often a term applied to a nonsexual relationship between two men who share similar traits and likes.

Bromance is similar to male bonding, and brotherhood. The female equivalent is womance.

Origins of the Term

The term "bromance" is a portmanteau of "bro" (short for brother) and "romance." The term is believed to have been coined by Dave Carnie, editor of Big Brother skateboard magazine in the 1990s, to describe the strong bonds between skateboarders who spent significant time together. However, some sources say it did not emerge in popular culture until around 2005.

hosen family refers to a group of people who form close, family-like bonds by choice rather than through biological or legal relationships. In kink, BDSM, and polyamory, it often includes partners, friends, play partners, and community members.

Chosen family refers to a support system built on mutual trust and shared values, rather than blood. These relationships can offer emotional and practical support, especially for people who may not feel like they're accepted or fit into their own families.

Origins of the Term

The idea of chosen family may have emerged in queer and LGBTQ+ communities. As many people faced rejection from biological families, they formed close-knit support networks of friends, partners, and community members.

The concept became more visible during the 1980s HIV/AIDS crisis, when chosen families often provided care, housing, and emotional support.

The term itself was popularized in academic and community discussions in the 1990s, including work by Kath Weston, whose book "Families We Choose" explored how gay and lesbian communities built alternative networks.

Related Terms

In BDSM, a clan refers to a group of people connected through a shared dynamic, identity, or relationship structure.

Unlike a formal BDSM house, a clan is usually less hierarchical and more community-based. Members may share similar roles (such as submissives, Dominants, or switches), a specific kink interest, or simply a social bond within the kink scene.

Clans can be:

• Loose and social (friends who attend events together)
• Identity-based (centered around a shared label or aesthetic)
• Structured but informal (with some expectations, but fewer rules than a house)

A submissive person in a negotiated power exchange relationship.

Collaring can be negotiated to be any length of time, or indefinite/permanent. There can be temporary or trial collars for the purpose of play. Collars of Consideration and Training might be used in the equivalence of vanilla engagement status. A permanent collar has been compared to a BDSM equivalent to a vanilla wedding ring without the state sanction. People can be collared to one or more people.

People with any identities can be collared, but they are common in Master/slave and Pet Handler/pet type relationships.

In polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships, a comet partner is a romantic and/or sexual partner who is seen infrequently, but with whom a deep and meaningful connection is typically maintained.

In the same way that a comet passes Earth only occasionally, these partners see each other in person irregularly (for any number of reasons), but the connection is special. The level of contact between seeing each other in person varies from relationship to relationship.

A companion, as a relationship status, describes a close, ongoing relationship rooted in mutual care and emotional connection. This bond may or may not involve romance, sex, or formal partnership. The term emphasizes being present for one another, and sharing time, affection, and support.

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is an umbrella term for relationships in which everyone agrees that one or more partners may have romantic, intimate, or sexual relationships with other people. The exact agreement can vary: some relationships allow outside sexual connections but not romantic ones, while others include multiple romantic partners or a closed relationship between three or more people.

Common forms of CNM include:

• Polyamory: Having or being open to multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time.
• Open Relationships: A relationship that allows one or both partners to have sexual or romantic connections with others.
• Swinging: Couples having sexual experiences with other people, often together.
• Monogamish Relationships: Mostly monogamous relationships that allow limited activity with others.
• Polyfidelity: A closed relationship involving three or more people who agree not to pursue partners outside the group.
• Hotwife, Hothusband, Cuckold, and Stag/Vixen Dynamics: Arrangements in which one partner has sexual experiences with others with their partner’s knowledge and agreement.

These categories can overlap, and people may create agreements that do not fit neatly into any one label.

Origins of the Term

People have practiced many forms of non-monogamy throughout history, but consensual non-monogamy is a relatively recent umbrella term. There is no known single person who coined it, but researchers were using the term by the early 2010s to group together relationship styles such as polyamory, swinging, and open relationships.

CNM is now often preferred over ethical non-monogamy in research and clinical writing because consensual describes a clear requirement, while people may disagree about what makes a relationship “ethical.” However, Google Search data shows that public searches for the term remained extremely low until around 2020 and only increased sharply in 2025. This suggests that while CNM is not a newly invented term, it has only recently become common outside academic and professional discussions.

The term constellation is often used in polyamorous relationships to describe the intricate web of partners that is formed when multiple people connect in multiple ways. It is also linked to the analogy used in satellite partners and comet partners, where it describes relationships between partners and partners of partners in those relationships. People will talk about "their constellation," meaning the people that they are connected with and the people connected to those people, and so on. The distance that they look will vary from person to person and what connections there are.

A constellation is sometimes also referred to as a polycule. This term uses the molecule analogy, because the interconnected relationships are similar to how atoms are connected by bonds to form a molecule.

Constellation as an Analogy in Polyamorous Relationships

The term constellation is also used as a way to describe how everyone is at the center of their own constellation and how they use their perspective to look at the world. This is linked to the idea that we are each the center of our own observable universe. In this school of thought, the constellation analogy is used to describe how people are part of your sphere of influence and how they also have other forces working on them.

A coterie is a small, close-knit, often exclusive group of people brought together by a shared interest, theme, or purpose. In kink and roleplay communities, the term is often used for a bonded group of players. It is most common in vampire, gothic, or fantasy-themed scenes, where the group sees themselves as a tight inner circle.

Unlike a pack, which is usually based on instinct or broad group identity, a coterie is formed around a specific focus, aesthetic, or goal.

Origins of the Term

Coterie comes from French and originally meant a small group of people who share a close space or purpose. It was later popularized in vampire fiction (especially "Vampire: The Masquerade") and adopted by kink and roleplay communities to describe tight-knit, often closed groups with a shared theme or identity.

n a kink context, a coven might refer to a relationship between a group of witches. Covens often have a hierarchical structure, with a leader or high priest/priestess, and members who specialize in various magical practices.

Origins of the Term

The term "coven" has roots in the Old French word "covin," which meant "agreement" or "confederacy".

The term crew may be used to describe a group of people who have formed close bonds based on similar outlooks, interests, vibes, etc. The term is also sometimes more specifically used to identify members of an organization that operates to organize or host events.

Similar terms include: circle, fellowship, chosen family (house), tribe, team.

"Crushing on" is a lighthearted, informal way to express romantic or emotional interest in someone. In real life, a crush often comes before anything formal, committed, or reciprocated has developed. It reflects attraction, admiration, or infatuation, and can be playful, flirty, or sincere. At least at first, a crush is often held in secret.

IN a BDSM context, "crushing on" is used to indicate consensual appreciation or romantic interest. 

A cuddle buddy is a person who is a regular cuddle partner. This can be in a platonic way, romantic, or otherwise. Often non-sexual in nature, this relationship is based on casual intimacy and physical touch.

DDLG stands for Daddy Dom/little girl, a BDSM dynamic that combines power exchange with a caregiving or nurturing element. While many people define it as a kink, others say it's best understood as a relationship dynamic. Whether it's a kink depends on how individuals experience it. The dynamic can be scene-based or lived 24/7.

In DDLG, one partner (the “Daddy Dom”) takes on a dominant, guiding, and protective role. The other (the “little”) takes on a submissive role that may include softness, playfulness, or regression into a more carefree headspace.

What DDLG Looks Like

DDLG can look different for everyone, but it usually involves a mix of care, structure, and power exchange between two adults.

In everyday terms, it might include:

• Caregiving: The Dom checks in with, comforts, or helps the little with routines.
• Rules or Guidance: The Dom sets expectations and gives directions.
• Affection: Pet names, praise, reassurance. This can flow both ways, but is often more directed at the little.
• Littlespace: A more relaxed, playful, or carefree mindset a little may enter into.
• Comforting or Playful Activities: This can include things like cuddling, coloring, or watching TV shows.

Some relationships also include:

• Discipline or correction (agreed on beforehand).
• Sex (but not all DDLG dynamics are sexual).

DDLG may look playful or childlike on the surface, but it’s a consensual adult dynamic, not actual regression or being a child. Age regression is typically a psychological or coping response, while DDLG is a consensual dynamic or form of roleplay between adults.

It's also important to note that not all DDLG dynamics involve age play at all. Some focus only on caregiving, guidance, and affectionate dominance, without any childlike roleplay.

Aspects of the Relationship

People enjoy DDLG for many different reasons. Here are a few common ones:

• Care and Emotional Support: Some people are drawn to the nurturing aspect of this kink. They love being cared for, comforted, and looked after, or providing that care to someone else.
• Power Exchange and Trust: The dynamic is often about giving up control in a safe way or being trusted with that responsibility. The appeal is the level of trust and vulnerability, not the labels themselves. Some people describe DDLG as a softer or more nurturing form of dominance and submission, focused on care, praise, and emotional connection.
• Escaping Responsibility: For some, the DDLG dynamic is a way to step away from adult stress and into a frame of mind that is more relaxed, playful, or carefree. Some littles call this "littlespace."
• Reclaiming or Reworking Past Experiences
• Some people use DDLG to process or recreate a safer version of care or childcare experiences than they experienced in their own childhood. This can provide a sense of healing.
• Fantasy and Roleplay

Like many kinks, DDLG is about playing with roles and dynamics that feel meaningful and intense.

Controversy

DDLG can be controversial because it involves age-related themes, which can be interpreted very differently depending on perspective.

Those who are offended by the kink criticize terms like “Daddy” and “little” and the presence of childlike behavior. They view the dynamic as uncomfortable or too close to the idea of sexualizing minors.

Those who enjoy or support the kink emphasize that it is consensual roleplay between adults, often centered on trust, emotional care, and vulnerability. Many also point out that the dynamic can be non-sexual or used as a way to explore comfort, regression, or healing.

Because of this gap in interpretation, DDLG is frequently debated both inside and outside kink communities, with opinions ranging from acceptance to strong discomfort.

Dating, as a relationship status, typically means that a person is actively involved in one or more romantic or sexual relationships, but not in a committed or long-term partnership. It can imply exploration, getting to know potential partners, or engaging in casual or non-exclusive connections. In the kink context, "dating" may also include developing play-based dynamics or testing compatibility in power exchange roles. The label is flexible and often signals that someone is open to new connections while already engaging with others.

Distance Control refers to a D/s-style dynamic where the Dominant maintains structure, authority, and emotional connection for their submissive despite being physically apart. This is done through rules, tasks, rituals, check-ins, and tech. It’s about showing care from afar. This might look like morning check-ins, remote toy control, regular tasks, and rituals that anchor the relationship, even when apart. This can happen in temporary or permanent long-distance relationships.

"Divorced," as a relationship status, indicates that a person was previously married or in a legally recognized partnership, but that relationship has been formally and legally ended. It means they are no longer tied to that partner through marital status.

Being divorced often signals that someone is fully out of a past legal or domestic commitment, and may now be available and open to other relationships. Some people mention that they're divorced not just to state their current legal status, but also to share part of their personal journey. For example, divorce can mark a personal turning point, where they began exploring BDSM, polyamory, or other relationship styles that better fit who they are.

Divorce may be listed alongside other relationship statuses. A person may list themselves as both divorced and dating, for example.

Dominance and submission (D/s) is a consensual power exchange in which one person takes control (the Dominant) and the other willingly gives it up (the submissive). It’s not about personality type, confidence, or aggression - it’s about the agreed roles in the dynamic. The Dominant leads within negotiated boundaries, the submissive cedes control. The dynamic works because both choose and sustain their roles.

In D/s, the Dominant takes the lead, makes the calls, and guides their submissive within agreed-upon limits. They might use physical, mental, or sexual control. No matter how they lead, a good Dom also takes care of their sub, making sure they feel safe, respected, and looked after.

The submissive gives control to the Dom, but that doesn’t mean they're passive. They decide their limits, say what they like, and can stop or change things whenever they need to. They enjoy giving in to the Dom, whether that’s through taking discipline, doing acts of service, or following instructions.

Some people who play in these dynamics also identify as switches, which means they can take on either a Dominant or submissive role.

In many kink spaces, it’s common and expected that clearly stated D/s dynamics are respected. This can mean that consent includes rules like needing permission from a Dom/me before engaging with their submissive or bottom. It’s important to read profiles and relationship listings so you understand any boundaries or rules that apply to an existing dynamic.

That said, it’s not appropriate to expect people outside the dynamic to follow your rules. For example, it’s fine to tell your submissive not to speak to others. It’s not fine to tell other people they’re not allowed to speak to your submissive without your permission, as that effectively pulls them into a dynamic they didn’t agree to.

Aspects of the Relationship

D/s is built on trust, vulnerability, and control. Dominants often enjoy the excitement and responsibility of leading and protecting, while submissives often love the freedom of letting go and the thrill of being guided. This kind of play can bring partners closer because they choose their roles, talk openly, and share an intense, mutual experience.

More specifically, many people say they enjoy D/s for the following reasons:

• Fantasy and Escape: Stepping into Dom or sub roles allows people to explore scenarios and parts of themselves they can’t in daily life.
• Letting Go: For subs, surrendering control can be a huge relief from everyday decision-making and stress.
• Responsibility and Caring: For Doms, guiding and protecting a partner can feel empowering and meaningful.
• Exploring Identity: D/s can be a way to try on other identities and experiment with different personalities, gender expressions, or behaviors.
• Connection: D/s often involves trust and creates a unique shared experience.

Common Scenarios

• Classic D/s bondage scene: The Dom acts as a master over the submissive, possibly using punishment, sensory play, paddles, crops, or ropes.
• Caretaking dynamic: The Dom takes on a nurturing role, often with the sub identifying as a little in the scene.
• Dom/brat play: The sub intentionally “misbehaves” or disobeys to provoke playful punishments from the Dom.
• Master/pet role play: The Dom is the “owner” and the sub plays the role of a pet.
• Sensory play: Using touch, sound, temperature, or other sensations to create an intense, controlled experience (not always painful).
• Humiliation
• Objectification
• Dehumanization
• Chastity
• Fetishes
• Cuckold/cuckquean play
• Public Play
• Resistance play (like disobedience, bratting, or "forced" activities within negotiated limits.)

Safety & Consent

Consent should come first in D/s, and all dynamics should be consensual and negotiated before play. This involves discussing boundaries, limits, expectations, and the kind of play each partner wants. Both parties are also responsible for the consent of all parties involved. Safe words and regular check-ins during play are also a good idea to ensure no-one's boundaries are crossed and everyone is having fun.

For Dominants, they are responsible for their sub's safety throughout the scene as well as after. But the submissive is an equal participant here, and should feel empowered to stop or modify a scene at any time.

After intense play, take time to reconnect and return to emotional/physical balance (e.g., cuddling, having a snack, talking through the scene). And don't forget Doms here - many need after-scene care and connection too!

Relationship Archetypes

• Master/slave
• Owner/pet
• Daddy Dom/little girl (or littl

Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) (pronounced "dee-ay-dee-tee") is a relationship style in which the partners agree to keep all or some information about any sexual and/or romantic relationships they are having outside of the relationship a secret from each other. The partners will not ask each other about those outside relationships nor will they share information about them with the partner unless their DADT agreement allows for that.

This differs from cheating in that the partners have discussed and agreed to the DADT policy, and partners know their partners may have other relationships.

Related Relationship Archetypes

• Swinging:: Couples consensually engaging in sexual activities with others, often in social settings. Some may adopt DADT, while others share details.
• Open Relationship: Partners agree to engage in sexual or romantic relationships outside their primary partnership. Some may adopt DADT, while others share details.
• Parallel Polyamory: Individuals maintain multiple romantic or sexual relationships separately, with minimal interaction between their partners. While not identical to DADT, parallel polyamory emphasizes autonomy and often involves limited sharing of details about other relationships.

A dynamic is a type of kink relationship that generally includes a power exchange (but not always). Dynamics can exist with or without sexual interaction and are also not always romantic. Dynamics tend to be based on negotiated rules, boundaries, and expectations that are unique to those within it.

Dynamics are based on a foundation of four core values: communication, respect, trust, and honesty. They may or may not involve a contract or commitment but they generally operate at a different level to fuck buddies, play partners, or friends with benefits.

Engaged, as a relationship status, typically means that a person is formally committed to marry or solidify a long-term partnership with someone, whether legally, ceremonially, or symbolically. This status often reflects a deep emotional, romantic, or lifestyle commitment and can exist within vanilla, kinky, monogamous, or polyamorous contexts.

In kink spaces, “engaged” may also signal:

• A planned collaring ceremony or formal D/s commitment
• A blend of traditional engagement and BDSM partnership rituals

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term for having multiple relationships that are not monogamous, but are between people who are aware that the other person has other relationships and are consenting to these relationships. This relationship style believes in open, honest, and respectful treatment of all parties involved.

Common Relationship Archetypes

• Open relationships
• Swingers
• Cuckolding
• Stag/vixen
• Hotwife/Hothusband
• Polyamory

These relationship types are different but everyone involved is aware of what is happening and is consenting to the situation. This is therefore considered ethical compared to when a person has multiple relationships without people knowing, which is commonly known as "cheating."

Non-monogamous relationships often require people to manage time, communicate clearly, discuss sexual health, set boundaries, and work through emotions such as jealousy or insecurity. There is no single correct way to practice non-monogamy, but everyone should be able to freely agree to the arrangement and protect their own boundaries and well-being.

Ethical vs Consensual Non-Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy and consensual non-monogamy (CNM) are often used interchangeably, but they are slightly different. ENM emphasizes honesty, respect, and responsible behavior, while CNM emphasizes that everyone has agreed to the non-monogamous arrangement.

Some people prefer to use the term CNM because consent is easier to define than what counts as “ethical,” which can vary between people and communities.

Origins of the Term

People have practiced non-monogamous relationships throughout history, but the term ethical non-monogamy is much newer. It grew from modern polyamory, swinging, open-relationship, and sex-positive communities that wanted to distinguish agreed non-monogamy from cheating.

Books such as "The Ethical Slut," first published in 1997, helped popularize the idea that non-monogamy could be practiced with honesty, consent, and care. Google Search data shows searches for ethical non-monogamy beginning around 2015, growing gradually through the late 2010s and early 2020s, and rising sharply from around 2023.

In Practice

There is no single way to practice ENM. The goal is not to copy another relationship’s rules, but to create an arrangement that everyone understands, freely agrees to, and feels respected within. Here are a few tips:

• Decide What ENM Means for Your Relationship: Discuss what kinds of sexual, romantic, or kink connections are allowed and whether both partners want the same freedoms. ENM does not have to be perfectly equal: one person may explore with others while another chooses to remain monogamous, provided neither is being pressured.
• Be Honest With Everyone Involved: Honesty should extend to all partners, not only a spouse or primary partner. Tell new partners about existing relationships, any hierarchy, and any agreements that could affect what you are able to offer them.
• Agree on Boundaries Before Problems Arise: Talk about disclosure, sexual health, privacy, time commitments, emotional connections, overnights, kink activities, and anything else that matters to you. Do not assume something is “understood,” and do not punish someone for breaking an agreement that was never actually discussed.
• Revisit Your Agreements Regularly: People’s needs and comfort levels can change. Check in regularly about what is working, what feels difficult, and whether existing agreements still serve a useful and fair purpose.
• Treat Every Partner With Care: Secondary partners, casual partners, and people joining an established couple are still real people with feelings and boundaries. Do not hide important information, treat someone as disposable, or suddenly end their relationship simply to protect the original couple from discomfort.
• Learn How to Work Through Jealousy: Jealousy does not automatically mean ENM is failing. Pause before reacting, separate what actually happened from the story your mind is creating, and identify whether you need reassurance, more quality time, a changed agreement, or space to process.
• Choose the Level of Contact That Works for You: Some people feel safer knowing and spending time with their partners’ other partners. Others prefer parallel ENM, where relationships remain mostly separate. Neither approach is automatically better; choose the one that helps everyone feel secure without limiting another relationship unnecessarily.
• Make Time for Every Relationship: Be realistic about how much time and emotional energy you have. Keep your commitments, protect important quality time, and avoid building more relationships than you can care for responsibly.
• Start Slowly and Stay Flexible: You do not need to open ev

Evil twin usually refers to a person with whom someone shares a mischievous, troublemaking, or rebellious dynamic. Despite the name, evil twins aren't necessarily related, and they may or may not be involved sexually, romantically, or in a dynamic. The relationship is often described as sibling-like rather than romantic or sexual.

Origins of the Term

Evil twin is an old phrase (from around 1910-1915), not a term that started in kink. It originally referred to the classic fictional idea of a good person having an identical but bad or troublesome twin.

By the early 2000s, people were also using evil twin jokingly online for a close friend who shared their mischievous side. The kink use of this term likely grew out of this playful internet meaning.

Exclusive as a relationship status typically means that two (or more) people are in a committed relationship where they’ve agreed not to date, play with, or engage sexually with others outside of that dynamic. It usually implies monogamy, though in some contexts it may allow for play with others under specific negotiated boundaries.

In the kink world, “exclusive” might refer to:

• Emotional exclusivity (romantic partners only seeing each other emotionally)
• Sexual exclusivity
• D/s exclusivity, where a submissive serves only one Dominant (or vice versa)

A female-led relationship (FLR) is a relationship dynamic where the woman (or feminine-identifying partner) takes the lead in decision-making, emotional direction, or sexual authority, depending on the level and scope of the arrangement. It's often rooted in consensual power exchange and can range from mild to deeply structured.

For women who have historically been expected to submit or defer, FLRs can feel radical and freeing. It’s not about inequality - it’s about flipping the script intentionally. In kink communities, FLR can be a chosen and often eroticized power structure. This is reflected in the rise in popularity around FemDom practices.

FLRs exist across all sexual orientations and gender expressions, though they’re most commonly referenced in cishet or sapphic dynamics.

Common Practices

FLRs can provide empowerment for women who enjoy leadership, dominance, or providing emotional guidance. This relationship structure may also suit submissive partners who crave structure, service, or relinquishing control. Plus, an FLR can allow couples to divide roles in a way that works better for them than sticking to traditional gender expectations

Female-Led Relationship vs. FemDom

There's some overlap between FemDom and female-led relationships, but they are different.

A female-led relationship is lifestyle-oriented. It's built around decision-making, leadership, and sometimes caretaking. It can be romantic, egalitarian in tone, and not necessarily sexual or kinky.

FemDom, on the other hand, is a BDSM dynamic where the woman takes a dominant role in sexual or power exchange scenes or relationships. It's focused on power exchange, often including discipline, control, service, or erotic humiliation. It's definitely kinky, although it may or may not extend outside the bedroom.

Some FLRs incorporate FemDom elements (e.g., chastity, punishment, obedience). A FemDom relationship can also evolve into an FLR if the power exchange extends beyond the bedroom.

A flirtationship is a relationship dynamic where two people consistently flirt with each other but are not officially dating, committed, or clearly romantically involved. It’s more than casual banter, but not a defined relationship.

A flirtationship can be flirty, platonic, or a combination of both. It can stay as a flirtationship or be a low-stakes stepping stone to a deeper relationship at a later date.

A flock dynamic refers to a group of individuals who come together to form a close-knit community or family-like structure in a BDSM community. This group might share common spiritual beliefs, practices, and goals, and they support each other in their journey. Similar to a group of people who identify as being in a house with, or in a leather family with each other. The flock dynamic is similar to spiritual families, groups that come together based on shared spiritual beliefs and practices, often forming deep, familial bonds.

Common Attrributes

• Shared Beliefs and Practices: Members of the flock share similar beliefs and engage in common practices, rituals, or ceremonies.
• Support and Guidance: The group provides emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even practical support to its members. This can include mentorship, counseling, and mutual encouragement.
• Community and Belonging: Being part of a flock dynamic creates a sense of belonging and community. Members often view each other as family, even if they are not related by blood.
• Roles and Responsibilities: Within the flock, individuals might take on specific roles or responsibilities that contribute to the well-being and growth of the group. These roles can be based on skills, experience, or spiritual insights.
• Leadership and Mentorship: Within a flock, there might be leaders or mentors who guide the group and offer wisdom. These roles are often based on experience, insight, or natural leadership abilities.
• Conflict Resolution: Like any close-knit group, flocks might face conflicts or disagreements. Effective communication and conflict resolution strategies are important to maintain harmony and support each member's growth.
• Individual Journeys: While the flock supports collective growth, it also respects each member's personal  journey. Members are encouraged to explore their beliefs and practices at their own pace.
• Learning and Sharing: Flocks often emphasize the importance of learning from each other. Members might share their experiences, knowledge, and skills, creating a rich environment for growth and discovery.

In general, flocks tend to strive to create an inclusive and welcoming environment for all members, regardless of their background or previous experiences. The diversity within a flock is often seen as a strength. Different perspectives and experiences enrich the group's practices and understanding.

A flock dynamic is about fostering a sense of belonging, mutual support, and shared growth. It's a beautiful way to connect with others who share similar values and aspirations while honoring each individual's unique journey.

Food buddy usually refers to a kinky friend who has food as a significant (or exclusive) component of the friendship. Adjacent to but more flexible than strictly foodslut and Food Daddy.

Alternatively, it can be a like-minded/BDSM oriented friend with whom one does not have an romantic or sexual relationship, but where meals are commonly had together.

Friends with benefits (FWB) is a type of relationship where two people maintain a friendship while also engaging in sexual activity, without the expectations or commitments of a romantic relationship.

People may choose FWB for convenience, emotional comfort, transition between relationships or sexual fulfillment without commitment.

Fweeb is an acronym for "friends with emotional and erotic benefits." The term is a cross between friends with benefits and a partner. This type of dynamic can happen when neither person has the time, energy, or desire to be in a full-time committed relationship, but there's a strong emotional and physical relationship when they interact. This term is used in some polyamory, kink, and queer circles.

Common Archetypes

• A deep friendship with sexual intimacy and shared emotional support.
• Mutual respect and communication, but no commitment to a romantic label.
• A balance between friendship, tenderness, and sex.

Origins of the Term

Fweeb is a play on “FWB” (friends with benefits), a phrase that became popular in the late 1990s and early 2000s to describe casual sexual friendships.

People in polyamory and queer spaces began using modified versions of FWB to describe more nuanced dynamics, such as:

• Friends With Emotional Benefits (FWEB)
• Friends With Emotional and Erotic Benefits (FWEEB)

The “fweeb” spelling sticks because it’s short, pronounceable, and tongue-in-cheek, making it perfect for online spaces.

Friends with mutual feelings usually refers to a relationship where two individuals share a mutual romantic or affectionate interest in each other while maintaining a friendship. In this context, both individuals have developed feelings beyond platonic friendship, but they may not have entered into a sexual relationship. Instead, they acknowledge and reciprocate each other's sexual feelings while choosing to maintain the friendship aspect of their relationship. This dynamic allows them to explore their romantic connection at their own pace, without necessarily rushing into a committed romantic partnership.

Girlfriend is a relationship status or role that typically signifies a romantic and/or sexual partnership where the person identifying as a girlfriend is recognized as someone's significant other. It often implies emotional closeness, some level of commitment, and an ongoing connection, though the exact dynamics - monogamous, polyamorous, kinky, vanilla - can vary widely. In the kink context, a girlfriend may also hold other roles (like submissive, Dominant, or switch), depending on the structure of the relationship. The term carries both personal and social meaning, shaped by how each partner defines it.

"Girlfriend" usually implies a feminine-presenting or female-identified person, but it depends on how an individual or couple defines and uses the term. Some nonbinary or gender-nonconforming individuals may still use "girlfriend" if it feels right to them emotionally or relationally - even if they don’t fully identify as female or femme. Similarly, in queer or polyamorous contexts, "girlfriend" might be more about relationship role than gender label.

Handfasted, as a relationship status, usually refers to a ceremonial or symbolic union between partners, often rooted in pagan, Wiccan, or alternative spiritual traditions. It typically represents a deep emotional or spiritual commitment, similar to marriage, but not necessarily legally recognized.

In the kink community, handfasting can also serve as:

• A symbolic collaring or D/s commitment ritual
• A way to formalize a non-traditional or polyamorous bond
• A celebration of partnership outside legal or religious institutions

Origins of the Term

Handfasting is an ancient Celtic ritual and one of the earliest recognized forms of marriage under Brehon Law, originating in Ireland and often traced back thousands of years. It is also the source of the expression “tying the knot.” Traditionally, a druid priest would bind the couple’s hands together as a symbol of their union.

This commitment typically lasted for “a year and a day.” At the end of that period, the couple could choose to renew their vows, formalize their marriage, or part ways, depending on how the relationship had developed.

The leader of a harem is sometimes referred to as the harem holder. This person is the one at the center of the harem dynamic, with multiple partners that are monogamous to them (in most cases).

Origin of the term

In biology, a harem holder is a dominant male animal who protects a group of female animals that, in most cases, he has exclusive rights to mate with. Some of the animals which form harems are red deer, elk, several types of baboons, lions.

Heteronormativity refers to the assumption that all relationships are between cisgender, heterosexual people. Heteronormativity expects that:

• People fall into two distinct, complementary sexes (male/female).
• Men are romantically/sexually attracted to women, and women to men.
• Traditional gender roles (masculine man, feminine woman) are the norm and ideal.

Heteronormativity is the idea that being heterosexual is the “default” or “normal” way to be. This mindset assumes everyone is naturally heterosexual and treats that as the ideal, which can make other sexualities seem less valid or invisible. It can also create social stigma or discrimination toward queer relationships, and pressure people into suppressing their orientations or gender identity.

Origins of the Term

The term “heteronormativity” was coined by Michael Warner, a queer theorist, in 1991. It first appeared in his introduction to the anthology "Fear of a Queer Planet: Queer Politics and Social Theory."  Although Warner gave us the word, the ideas behind it developed over decades. The term soon became standard terminology in sociology, gender studies, media analysis, and queer activism.

A hinge partner is the partner in a polyamorous relationship who connects two or more metamours, or people who do not share a romantic/sexual connection. Much like a V shape, where the hinge is the point of the V and the other partners are the two ends, the hinge is an important connection point to both partners, but is also responsible for balancing both sets of needs, desires, and insecurities. Because of this, hinges are considered more vulnerable to emotional exhaustion, over-commitment, and people-pleasing behaviors.

A hinge partner's responsibilities may include:

• Scheduling and time management: Negotiating time between partners and ensuring no one feels left out.
• Communication: Handling communication between relationships that only exist through the hinge so that metamours don't have to chase each other down or manage conflicts.
• Owning decisions: This usually relates to decisions around limits between partners and within the relationship.
• Honoring agreements and boundaries: Handling the care and maintenance of each relationship.

Hobosexual is a slang term that usually describes someone who pursues relationships or sexual partners mainly to secure housing, financial support, or basic resources. Unlike recognized kink roles (such as houseboy or kept partner), “hobosexual” isn’t part of a negotiated dynamic - it’s more of a tongue-in-cheek label for a one-sided or opportunistic relationship. The term is often used humorously or critically.

Hobosexual relationships appear to be fairly common. They can happen among men and women and can take many forms. People might enter them as a temporary measure due to housing insecurity, or as a manipulative tactic to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Origins of the Term

This word is a slang mashup of hobo (a person without stable housing) and sexual. It should technically mean an attraction to homeless people, and is sometimes used this way as well. This term was coined as a joke, but instead of describing attraction, it describes motive (sex/relationships for housing).

The word shows up in Urban Dictionary entries in the 2010s, mostly as a humorous insult for someone who “dates for a place to stay.” It gained traction on Twitter and meme culture in the 2010s, often targeting men moving in quickly with women.

Safety and Consent

A hobosexual relationship often carries a layer of manipulation, dependency, or even exploitation. It isn’t automatically abuse, but it’s a situation that is high-risk for exploitation. Extra attention to boundaries, consent, and independence is critical.

A homance is a close, emotionally intimate friendship between women that is typically non-sexual and non-romantic. It is often described as the feminine equivalent of a “bromance,” emphasizing a deep bond that goes beyond a casual friendship.

People may use the term to describe friendships that involve strong loyalty, emotional closeness, frequent time together, or a partnership-like dynamic. While some homances may resemble romantic friendships in intensity, the term usually refers to a platonic connection.

Origins of the Term

The term homance is believed to be a playful blend of "homegirl" (or “homie”) and "romance". However, others associate "ho" with a slang term for a promiscuous woman, which can make the label feel sexist, degrading, or uncomfortable for some.

The word first appeared in Urban Dictionary in 2008, and gained attention in the early 2010s through language discussions and pop-culture writing, including commentary by lexicographer Ben Schott on language trends.

This term is often used to describe members of a chosen family, rather than a non-chosen biological family. A house can be used to describe a collection of people, sometimes in a hierarchical relationship structure, who share the same space, whether that be IRL or virtually. House structures may sometimes involve the use of relationship terminology from vanilla family nomenclature, such as mother, father, brother, sister, etc.

In the 1990 film Paris is Burning, which details the New York drag scene, the concept of houses and family-based naming convention is common. The film depicts houses as surrogate or replacement families for the film's characters, who have often been abandoned or disowned by their biological families. A house creates a safe space (physically and psychologically) for its members to explore gender identity, sexual preference, and personal stylistic choices, among many other things.

In online spaces, these are online communities that share agreed-upon values, principles, and common interests. House members often have defined roles in care giving, support, or mentoring.

“In a hive with” is a dronification term used to describe a relationship or connection between two or more people who identify as drones within the same “hive” or collective system. It typically refers to a shared mental, emotional, or behavioral alignment, where participants experience themselves as part of a coordinated or synchronized group.

Unlike hierarchical dynamics (such as “drone of”), being “in a hive with” someone is usually peer-based rather than controlled. The term aims to convey connection and shared identity rather than authority. Many drones describe it as a closer, more integrated bond than general community membership (“collective”), but not necessarily a formal partnership or ownership dynamic.

In this context, a “hive” refers to a group mindset or roleplay where people act in a coordinated way and focus on shared goals rather than individual expression. Some hives have a central controller (like a Queen, Handler, or AI), while others are more collaborative and don’t have a single leader.

A hive is about shared programming, coordination, and identity dissolution into a group mind. Some common themes include:

• Collective identity (“We act as one.”)
• Loss of individuality or personal agency
• Shared arousal cues
• Operating under a central controller (a Queen, Handler, Technician, AI, etc.)
• Mirroring movements or behaviors
• Emphasizing sameness (uniforms, masks, body language)

The exact meaning of “in a hive with” is flexible and community-defined, and may range from casual alignment within a shared aesthetic to deeper, ongoing relational bonds within a dronification dynamic.

In cahoots is a relationship dynamic in which two or more people are making plans or working together in a mischievous way, sometimes in secret. This type or relationship is often between two Tops or D-types teaming up with a shared sub but can be used across all dynamic types.

Origins of the Term

“In cahoots” is not originally a kink term. It is American slang from the early to mid-1800s, where "in cahoot" meant something like "in partnership" or "working together." Originally, it didn't imply secret collusion, and only took on this meaning over time.

Kink communities appear to have adopted the phrase informally because that meaning fits situations where two or more people collaborate on a bit of consensual mischief involving another partner.

"In service to" is a relationship status indicating that a person is in an ongoing, service-oriented power exchange dynamic with a specific Dominant, Master, Handler, or similar authority figure. The person in service may identify as a submissive, slave, service submissive, or another serving role. They get fulfillment from performing acts of service for the person they serve, and the relationship is structured around that exchange of labor, devotion, and authority. The person served may hold any Dominant-side role and the dynamic may be 24/7, session-based, or somewhere in between.

Unlike a play partner relationship, which centers on shared scenes or activities, being "in service to" someone implies a sustained, lifestyle-integrated commitment to meeting that person's needs.

The service may be domestic (household management, cooking, cleaning), personal (grooming, errands, wardrobe care), professional (administrative or organizational support), ritualistic (formal protocols, positions, greetings), or emotional (attentiveness, anticipation of needs, being present). The specific scope is defined by the people involved.

This status is used by individuals across a range of identities and dynamic structures, including:

• Service submissives who perform practical or domestic tasks as their primary form of submission.
• Slaves in Master/slave dynamics where service is a core expectation.
• Pets or property in Handler/pet dynamics that include caretaking or service.
• Bootblacks and other leather-community service roles.
• Anyone for whom performing devoted, structured acts of service is the defining feature of their relationship

Negotiation and Consent

Like any power exchange relationship, being "in service to" someone should be clearly negotiated. Important points of discussion include:

• Scope of service: What tasks, duties, or forms of devotion are expected? What falls outside the agreement?
• Duration and structure: Is the service 24/7, scheduled, or situational? Is it time-limited or open-ended?
• Authority boundaries: What decisions does the person in service cede to the one they serve, and what remains within their own autonomy?
• Reciprocity and care: As with any D/s dynamic, the person receiving service bears responsibility for the well-being of the person serving. Service is not a license to take without giving back. Recognition, aftercare, and mutual fulfillment remain essential.
• Exclusivity: Is the service exclusive to one person, or can the individual serve others? This may overlap with exclusive or non-monogamous agreements.

A relationship that is very close or familiar. This however does not indicate sexual activity or the exact different connections, just that there is a very close connection between these people within their preferred dynamic.

“It’s complicated” is a relationship status used to indicate that someone's romantic or emotional situation is unclear, unresolved, or hard to define. It may reflect tension, transition, or nontraditional dynamics - and often signals that there’s more going on than a simple label can express.

It's complicated may refer to polyamorous restructuring, kink dynamics in flux, or relationship conflict. It can hint at breakups in progress, unmet needs, or unspoken agreements. Some use it humorously or ironically; others use it as a placeholder when they're not ready to define their status.

A gender-neutral way to describe a significant other. Similar to "they" but not exclusively non-binary.

It's sometimes also used to describe a friend you only have sex with but don't have a formal relationship with.

A relationship between people who share the same thoughts, feelings, interests, beliefs, attitudes and values.

A kinkycule is a network of people who are connected through kink, BDSM, or power-exchange relationships, similar to how a “polycule” describes a group of people linked through polyamorous relationships.

A kinkycule can include:

• Dominants and submissives
• Play partners
• Owners, pets, or slaves
• People who share scenes, power dynamics, or ongoing kink relationships

Someone in a kinkycule might not be sexually or romantically involved with everyone else, but they’re part of the same web of people who trust each other and often play together.

A latex family is a group of people who are connected through a shared passion for latex clothing and gear. The term reflects a sense of community, collaboration, and mentorship built around wearing/using latex as well as sometimes making latex items. Members are not necessarily romantically or sexually involved; it’s often about creative collaboration, shared learning, and mutual support.

A group of people who have bonded through the Leather lifestyle and have decided to join together as a family. A leather family usually has structure and protocols in place.

A life partner, as a relationship status, is someone with whom a person shares a long-term, committed relationship that is intended to last for life, regardless of legal status, living arrangements, or sexual activity. The term emphasizes emotional intimacy, mutual support, and deep companionship, and may or may not include romantic or sexual components.

A long-distance dynamic, often abbreviated as LDD, usually refers to a dynamic done over long distances without a vanilla world long-distance relationship (LDR) attached to it. This makes LDD and LDR two separate, and not mutually exclusive types of relationships.

A relationship, typically romantic in nature, between people who do not see each other frequently or who live far apart. This may or may not include a Long distance play dynamic (LDD) between people.

A lovedrug is a catalyst of primal desire, a person whose presence elicits a powerful, involuntary attraction in another, one that's almost like a chemical dependency. The Lovedrug is less a person than an experience. Just by being near them, they make your body react in ways you can’t stop or hide. Whether it be their scent, submission, dominance, voice, etc, it hypnotizes the subject, who feels as though they have lost control, frantically switching between gentle admiration and untethered obsession.

With a lovedrug, desire feels biological—heart racing, logic dissolving, thoughts looping back to them no matter how far they stray. The subject may oscillate between soft devotion and wild craving, as if the lovedrug has bypassed the conscious mind and tapped straight into instinct. Their pull isn’t universal, but when it hits, it hits like a high.

Consent and Safety

Because this dynamic may involve obsessive or addictive feelings, partners should:

• Discuss emotional safety and aftercare.
• Clarify expectations and limits.
• Revisit consent if fixation becomes distressing or unbalanced.

This archetype should not be used to justify possessiveness or coercion.

Lover, as a relationship status, usually refers to someone with whom a person shares a romantic and/or sexual connection, often marked by intimacy and affection. It is not necessarily a formal or committed relationship.

A lover might be a consistent play partner, a romantic companion, or someone with whom the connection is emotional, physical, or both. The term is intentionally broad and can overlap with other roles (like Dominant, submissive, or friend).

Generally the term is used more loosely by people that are polyamorous, but the term was originally used to refer to a sexual relationship that wasn't a primary relationship. The word is often used to describe a partner out-side of marriage (an affair) in a monogamous relationship.

In kink communities, this relationship status often implies that the relationship is either happening at the same time as other relationships in the form of ethical non monogamy or isn't following traditional relationship patterns.

As a relationship status, married usually indicates that a person is in a committed, long-term partnership that is typically recognized through legal marriage, spiritual union, or a deep personal commitment. It may involve shared responsibilities, cohabitation, or long-term planning - but doesn’t necessarily follow traditional or monogamous norms.

In the kink community, “married” can take on additional meanings, such as:

• Being collared or symbolically bound in a 24/7 power exchange
• Part of a polyamorous marriage, where multiple relationships may coexist
• Blending vanilla marriage with BDSM dynamics

Some people distinguish married from legally married, in which the marriage is recognized by law, typically with a marriage certificate, legal rights, and obligations. This is because a legal marriage may have different social dynamics compared to a traditional marriage. Especially in polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships, legally married may be used to label a relationship and clarify its legal status, not necessarily its emotional depth or social priority.

A member of a house refers to someone who belongs to a chosen family or structured group within the BDSM, kink, or leather community. A “house” (sometimes called a family, pack, or clan) is typically a collective built around shared values, dynamics, protocols, or mentorship. It is often led by a Dominant, elder, or founding member.

A house may be centered around a Dominant, Master/Mistress, or High Protocol Leader, with members in defined roles (subs, slaves, switches, etc.). Some houses are formal and hierarchical, while others are more like chosen families.

A metamour is your partner’s other partner - someone you’re connected to through a shared relationship, but not romantically or sexually involved with yourself. This may be used in any non-monogamous context, but is most often used in polyamory.

Metamours are not rivals, but rather part of the same interpersonal network. The relationship between metamours can range from close friendship to minimal or no contact, depending on the dynamic and comfort levels. Some polyamorous structures encourage kitchen table polyamory (everyone interacts), while others follow parallel polyamory (separate but respectful relationships). Metamour relationships often involve mutual respect, boundaries, and communication, but no romantic obligation.

Mono-poly (short for monogamous–polyamorous) describes a relationship between one monogamous person and one polyamorous person.

Mono-poly is a form of ethical non-monogamy (ENM) requiring clear communication and boundaries. Both people agree to the arrangement, even though their relationship styles are different.

People end up in mono-poly relationships because:

• They fell in love with someone who has a different relationship style.
• They want to stay together without forcing either person to change.
• One partner is polyamorous by identity, while the other is not.

Monogamish refers to a relationship agreement in which two people are in a relationship that is not "wide open," but also not fully monogamous. In effect, it is a relationship that is monogamous, but with consensual exceptions, or a relationship that, while effectively monogamous, does not resemble the strict one-partner relationship that standard monogamy requires.

For example, some monogamish couples will take on a third partner or couple, or will consent to one or both partners having a night out with sex being involved. Others may consent to monogamy while they are together, but allow for "no strings sex" when they are apart for an extended period of time. All of this is communicated and negotiated with boundaries and clear limits set. Breaking rules may also include consequences that can lead to the relationship being terminated .

This term was coined by relationship columnist Dan Savage in 2011. Another, less common, term for monogamish is semi-open relationship.

Monogamous or monogamy is a form of relationship (or purely sexual partnership) where two people are exclusively in a relationship with one another. This type of relationship is typically romantically and sexually exclusive, though people in a monogamous relationship do not have to be married or living with each other (sometimes referred to as nesting partners). Friendship and other more casual non-sexual or non-romantic connections with other people are not necessarily excluded, but people may agree to limit casual connections with people who are the same gender as a monogamous person's partner. Having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one's monogamous partner that violates the agreement made with that partner is referred to as infidelity or cheating.

Non-Monogamy and Open Relationships

There are people who identify as monogamous but have agreements within their relationship to be "open". This could mean that they are open to engage in sexual connections with other people. This may be limited by agreed upon restrictions, such as only being allowed to engage with other partners when their monogamous partner is present (swingers). These agreements are often considered to be part of ethical non-monogamy, although many people who engage in this still consider themselves to be essentially monogamous.

There are also cases where people in a monogamous relationship will engage with others outside of the connection with their partner and their knowledge. This could be an agreement that is often called "don't ask, don't tell", where their partner gives consent but doesn't want to hear about any activities or relationships. However in most cases this would be considered "cheating".

Nesting metamours are metamours who share their living space on an ongoing basis.

A metamour is your partner’s other partner - someone you’re connected to through a shared relationship, but not romantically or sexually involved with yourself. This may be used in any non-monogamous context, but is most often used in polyamory.

A partner with whom one shares their living space on an ongoing basis. Usually used in the context of polyamorous relationships, where a person may have one or more nesting partners as well as non-nesting (sometimes called "satellite") partners.

Non-monogamous refers to any relationship style where people do not exclusively commit to one romantic or sexual partner. The term includes a wide range of consensual relationship structures where multiple emotional, romantic, or sexual connections are allowed and openly acknowledged.

Non-monogamy is often built on communication, boundary-setting, and transparency. It differs from cheating or infidelity in that all parties involved know and agree to the structure. It can include relationship styles like polyamory, swinging, open relationships, relationship anarchy, or solo poly.

Ommer is a gender-neutral family title used as an alternative to “aunt” or “uncle.” It is most commonly used by or for nonbinary people, though anyone may choose to use it. People may also use "pibling" to describe the same general family role, though people may prefer one term over the other based on personal, cultural, or community preference.

An omner may appear as a relationship label, chosen-family title, or role within family-based roleplay dynamics. It is most common in queer and nonbinary communities. The term itself is not BDSM-specific, though some people may use it within incest play or family roleplay contexts.

Origins of the Term

The term appears to derive partly from “emmer” (a gender-neutral sibling term based on pronouns like em/eir) and partly from family-related words in various languages that use “om,” “oma,” or similar sounds for older relatives.

An open marriage is a type of committed partnership where two people are legally or emotionally married but agree that one or both partners can have sexual or romantic relationships outside the marriage. The structure is consensual and varies widely in rules and boundaries depending on the couple.

An open marriage often means the couple plays or dates others - together or separately - while maintaining their core partnership. Some couples focus on sexual openness (e.g., swinging), while others explore romantic connections with multiple people (e.g., polyamory). Open marriages may or may not involve kink dynamics, but many couples in the lifestyle find compatibility with ethical non-monogamy and the kink scene.

An Open Relationship is a form of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) where the people in the relationship are not exclusive in their sexual partners. This generally refers to couples, as they collectively make the decision to "open up" their relationship.

Unlike polyamory, open relationships tend to not involve romantic relationships and are more oriented towards sexual relationships.

Common Archetypes

• Multi-partner: where people are connected sexually to one another, but not necessarily everyone with everyone.
• Hybrid relationships: where one person may have a sexual connection with multiple people and the other person just with them and monogamously
• Swinging: where a couple or single person will loosely engage with sexual connections with other people.

A pack can have multiple meanings within the lifestyle. Primarily it is tied to to primal play and pet play where a group of people, or pack, is connected with one another. Types of connections are defined within the specific group. Connections can include scene/dungeon play, friends, ENM/Polyamorous, but are not limited to only these mentioned. A pack often has a bond that is closer than just friends, but not by definition also in a relationship with them.

Alternative Uses

Often the pack relationship is also used to indicate a group of friends and/or a polyamorous group of people that hangs out together often, or other types of group relationships. You will sometimes see this linked via an account on FetLife, or as a larger group of people connected as "pack". This does not by definition mean these people engage in primal or pet play, but it is used to indicate an existing group dynamic. Can also be used similar to description of "tribe" dynamic.

As a relationship status, partner is a flexible, gender-neutral relationship option that indicates a person is in a committed or significant connection with someone. This may be romantic, sexual, kink-based, or a combination of these. It’s often used by people who:

• Prefer not to use gendered terms like “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”
• Are in non-traditional, polyamorous, or queer relationships
• Share a power exchange dynamic that doesn’t align with mainstream labels

“Partner” can imply emotional closeness, mutual support, and shared responsibilities, but the exact nature of the relationship is self-defined.

A partner system is a relationship term used in plural or multiplicity communities for two systems that are in a dedicated relationship with one another.

In these communities, plurality or multiplicity refers to the experience of more than one distinct person, identity, or self sharing a single body or mind. The group may be called a "system," while individual members may be called "headmates" or "alters." Some plural systems have conditions such as dissociative identity disorder (DID), but plurality and DID are not synonymous, and being plural does not require a DID diagnosis.

A relationship between partner systems may be romantic, sexual, platonic, familial, or a combination of these. Because each system contains multiple people, the relationships between individual headmates may also differ. For example, two systems might consider themselves romantic partners overall while particular headmates have platonic, sexual, romantic, or no relationship with particular members of the other system.

The term partner system can therefore describe both the broader relationship between two systems and the more complex network of relationships that may exist between the individual people within them.

A relationship characterized by a focus on humor and play; not limited to littles. Can include BDSM, sexual intimacy, or platonic partnership

Pibling is a gender-neutral term used in place of “aunt” or “uncle.” It is most commonly used in nonbinary, queer, and chosen-family contexts, though anyone may choose to use it. People may also use "ommer" to describe the same general family role, though people may prefer one term over the other based on personal, cultural, or community preference.

Pibling may also appear as a relationship label, chosen-family title, or role within family-based roleplay dynamics. The term itself is not BDSM-specific, though some people may use it within incest play or family roleplay contexts.

A platonic crush is a strong, sometimes intense attraction to someone that doesn't involve romantic or sexual feelings. It’s the desire to be close to someone, spend time with them, admire them, or build a meaningful connection, without wanting a romantic relationship or physical intimacy. It’s where you want to see the other person succeed and are there for them while having mutual respect, trust and support.

People with a platonic crush may feel excitement, admiration, or affection toward someone in a way that resembles a romantic crush, but the feelings are directed toward friends and companions.

Platonic crushes are common among all orientations but show up often in aromantic, asexual, queerplatonic, and relational anarchy communities, where non-romantic bonds are more likely to be viewed as important and valid forms of connection.

A platonic partner, as a relationship status, indicates that someone is in a committed, non-sexual and non-romantic relationship. This partnership is based on deep emotional connection, trust, and mutual support. It's similar in structure or intensity to a romantic relationship, but without romantic or sexual attraction being part of the bond. The term is often used for close friendships, but also increasingly indicates asexual connections between people that do have a romantic relationship.

A play partner typically refers to an individual with whom someone engages in consensual, non-committal, and often casual sexual or kink-related activities.

The term "play" in this context generally signifies engaging in activities for pleasure and enjoyment. Often, this will involve taking part in scenes together involving BDSM or kink. Play partners may have pre-established agreements or negotiated boundaries regarding the types of activities they are comfortable with, as well as any limits or specific interests they may have.

Play partnerships can vary in duration and level of commitment. Some play partnerships may be ongoing and involve regular or intermittent encounters, while others may be more sporadic or limited to specific events or scenarios.

Some folks use play partner as a synonym for friend with benefits (FWB), comet,  or secondary or to refer to a person one engages with for a casual or no strings attached (NSA) encounter. As the definition of play partner has expanded, some folks have adopted the term scene partner to indicate the relationship is focused on kink scenes.

A poly family is a group of people in consensual non-monogamous relationships who consider themselves to be emotionally bonded, interconnected, and committed like a chosen family. While the exact structure varies, the emphasis is on love, care, and shared life, not just romantic or sexual connection.

A poly family may include partners, metamours, children, and others who are part of a shared household or emotional unit. It can be hierarchical (e.g., primaries, secondaries) or egalitarian. They may also include kink roles such as Doms, subs, or service dynamics. Members may co-parent, cohabitate, attend events together, or support each other emotionally and practically.

A poly group refers to a network or collective of people involved in consensual non-monogamous relationships that are interconnected in some way. This connection can be emotional, romantic, sexual, or through shared living or parenting. This can range from a tight-knit closed group to a more fluid polycule with multiple overlapping relationships.

A poly group may consist of three or more people who are all dating each other (triads, quads, group poly), or interconnected through a web of individual relationships. It may be egalitarian or have a hierarchical structure (e.g., primaries, secondaries). Members often communicate openly, negotiate boundaries, and may attend events, play, or cohabitate together.

Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy (ENM) where a person can have many consensual romantic and/or sexual relationships concurrently with different people. There is a wide spectrum of different connections that polyamorous people may have with their partners but they often contain or are intended for ongoing or "committed" relationships.

Polyamory is not "one way" to have a relationship, it is an open framework where people will make agreements and consent to the way people conduct themselves and have relationships with each other and with others. While most people view polyamory as a relationship framework, some people also experience it more like an orientation in the sense that they see it as innate and unchangeable.

People who are polyamorous will often talk in shorthand about what their preferred style is, like: "anarchistic solo-polyam", "kitchen table closed quad" or "mono-poly with a nesting partner". This kind of shorthand is no replacement for communicating the often intricate agreements people have with different partners and how that is applied in practice.

Origins of the Term

The origin of the word polyamory comes from ancient Greek πολλοί (polloí), or many," and Latin amor, or "love." One may notice the difference in suffix from marriage-centric relationship descriptors like monogamous, in which "gamos" means "marriage."

Etymologically speaking, polyamory and monogamy are not mutually exclusive (loving-many may include having one marriage.) Polyamory is often referred to as "poly" or "polyam" for brevity; however, there is ongoing discussion about the appropriateness of the former abbreviation, as "poly" may be used by people from Polynesia.

Common Archetypes

• Triad: A polycule of three people where all people have relationships with one another.
• Quad: A polycule of four people that have relationships between them in a way that connects all of them via each other.
• Vee: Also called a "pivot". A person that has two relationships with people that do not have a relationship with one another.
• Solo: A person that is likely to live on their own and maintains multiple relationships without a hierarchy between them.

Common Relationship Formats

• Hierarchical: A group of people that have relationships between them, but where some relationships are considered "primary" and others are placed in a potential ranking of importance. Often the primary partners are cohabitating and the "secondary" are guests.
• Non-hierarchical: The agreement that within the relationships there should not be a pre-defined order of priority, but coexistence is achieved between everyone in the polycule so that everyone's needs are met in the best possible way.
• Anchor Partners: An alternative to "primary" and sometimes also defined as "nesting partners." In this case, the hierarchical part is dropped, but the practical side of people cohabitating is considered. Also due to the cohabitation these people will sometimes fall back onto each-other for initial support.
• Kitchen-Table Poly: An agreement where all members of the polycule come together comfortably and are able to interact about their relationships, their needs, concerns and emotions to collectively make decisions that would impact the polycule.
• Parallel Poly: An agreement where metamours do not interact with one another, but are aware of each other's presence. Any concerns, needs, or emotions are managed by the shared partner and not by the metamours. Commonly something that happens in "Vee"-style relationships, but also common for solo-polyamorous people.
• Polyfidelity: An agreement within the polycule that people will not look for new romantic or sexual connections outside of the current polycule. This is also sometimes considered a "closed" polycule and can be happen when polysaturation has been reached by the members of the polycule.
• Relationship Anarchy: A form where the agreement is that all participants are free to engage in romantic or sexual relationships with people without defined rules. They are free to explore and evolve the relationships as they change. The connection between people is rooted in the trust that people will take care of their own needs, take care of their relationships, and will make sure that polysaturation will not cause an issue with existing connections.
• Mono-poly: Identifying that one or more people in the relationship is monogamous towards their partner, but their partner is polyamorous with consent of the monogamous partner.
• Poly-Asexual Not all relationships are based on sexual or romantic contact. A partner relationship with no desire for sex with other people may still want the capacity to share their partner with others.

Cheating and Polyamory

Even though there are plenty of options to

Polyandrous traditionally refers to someone following a type of polygamy in which a woman has multiple husbands simultaneously. This practice is distinct from polygyny, where a man has multiple wives, and from polyamory, which involves multiple consensual romantic relationships without necessarily involving marriage.

In a kink context, polyandry can refer to a consensual dynamic where one woman has multiple male partners. These relationships may include a Dominant/submissive (D/s) or erotic power exchange framework. The connections can be romantic, sexual, or both. In this case, the participants are not legally married (legal marriage between more than two people is illegal in many places), but consider themselves to be in a committed relationship.

Some common variants and themes of polyandry in a kinky dynamic include female-led relationships, hotwife scenarios, and Goddess-worship or Queen-based dynamics, among many others.

Titles 

• Polyandrous woman are often called Queens
• Polyandrous men who are dominant are often called Kings or Knights
• Polyandrous men who are submissive are often called slaves, servants, or subjects

Origins of the Term

The term derives from the Greek polys, “many,” and anēr, andros, “man.”

A polycule is a group of people connected through consensual non-monogamous polyamorous relationships. It describes a network of people who are connected, sometimes to each other, sometimes through their partners.

• One person may have two partners.
• Those partners may also have other partners.
• Everyone connected through those relationships is part of the same polycule.

A polycule does not mean everyone is dating each other. It just means their relationships are linked in some way.

How Polycules Work

In a polycule, each person typically manages their own relationships separately. Someone may date multiple partners, while those partners have their own separate relationships, boundaries, and schedules.

To make this work, polycules often rely on:

• Communication: People may discuss boundaries, schedules, expectations, and sexual health.
• Metamour relationships: A metamour is your partner’s partner. Some metamours become close friends, while others rarely interact.
• Different levels of closeness: Some people in a polycule socialize regularly, while others only know about each other.
• Autonomy: Relationships usually develop independently rather than requiring approval from the entire group.
• Flexibility: Polycule structures often shift as people start dating, break up, move, or change priorities.

Some polycules become close-knit social circles. Others remain largely separate, with each relationship operatig independently.

Common Archetypes

There are a few different types of polycules used to describe how the partners in these networks are connected. They include:

• V Polycule (V Relationship): One person dates two people who are not dating each other.
• Triad (or Throuple): Three people are all romantically or sexually involved with each other.
• Quad: Four people connected in a shared relationship structure. This may mean everyone is involved with everyone, or two couples are connected.
• Closed Polycule (Polyfidelity): A group where everyone agrees to only date within the polycule and not add outside partners.
• Open Polycule: Members can have additional partners outside the main relationship network.
• Parallel Polycule: Partners know about each other but have little or no interaction.
• Extended Polycule: The larger network of people connected through overlapping polyamorous relationships, including partners and partners of partners.
• Kitchen Table Polycule: Everyone is comfortable interacting socially, even if they aren't in a romantic or sexual relationship. The idea is that all partners could sit around the same kitchen table together.
• Solo Polycule: A person practices polyamory while maintaining independence, often without merging households, finances, or traditional partnership structures.
• Hierarchical Polycule: Relationships may have levels of priority, such as a “primary” partner and “secondary” partners.
• Non-Hierarchical Polycule: Relationships are not ranked by importance or status.
• Network Polycule: A larger web of interconnected relationships, where not everyone knows or dates everyone else.
• Comet Relationship Structure: A partner who appears only occasionally but remains part of the polycule.

Origins of the Term

The term “polycule” comes from combining “poly” (many) and “molecule.” It grew out of polyamory communities as a way to describe how multiple relationships connect together, similar to how atoms connect inside a molecule.

Polycurious is a term that describes someone who is curious about or interested in exploring polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved. A person who identifies as polycurious may be intrigued by the concept of polyamory and may want to learn more about it, explore whether it aligns with their values and desires, or potentially try it out for themselves. It implies a level of openness to the idea of non-monogamous relationships, even if the individual hasn't yet fully committed to pursuing such relationships.

Polyfidelity is a kind of polyamorous relationship where all the members of the group agree to see only the other members in the group. This is therefore a closed system; new people do not enter.

Polygyny is a form of polygamy in which a husband has multiple wives simultaneously. This practice is distinct from polyandry, where a woman has multiple husbands, and from polyamory, which involves multiple consensual romantic relationships that don't necessarily involve marriage

Polyplatonic is the practice of having multiple, committed, non-romantic relationships at the same time. These are not casual friendships, but deeply emotionally intimate and meaningful connections that are intentionally structured and nurtured.

This term is a cornerstone of relational anarchy, which rejects the hierarchy that places romantic partnerships above all others. For a polyplatonic person, these non-romantic bonds - such as queerplatonic partnerships, friendships, or care networks - are just as significant and valuable as romantic ones, and they are not considered "secondary."

Being polyplatonic is a direct challenge to amatonormativity, the assumption that romantic love is the most important type of relationship. A polyplatonic person's ideal social configuration is one that embraces a network of multiple committed partners, each with their own unique boundaries and roles, all defined by their own merit rather than by a pre-set social template.

Primal mate usually describes the relationship dynamic between primals who share an extremely deep connection. This dynamic can extend beyond kink and encompass a romantic and even spiritual relationship.

Primal mates are fiercely protective of one another, often operating within the realms of mutual ownership, marking and claiming one another. They may also mutually hunt one another, adding a layer of intrigue and intensity to their play.

A primal partner is usually who participates in primal play with a chosen partner, usually exclusively.

A primary partner usually describes a person's most central, committed, or prioritized relationship, whether emotionally, practically, or both. This term is most commonly used in polyamorous and non-monogamous communities to describe a partner who plays a key role in a person’s life.

A primary partner may be someone you live with, share finances with, or make major life decisions with. They may or may not be the most sexually active partner, but they often hold relationship priority in terms of time, energy, or commitments. Some dynamics include hierarchy, where primaries have more influence or agreed-upon privileges than other partners. Others use the term descriptively to reflect closeness or life entanglement.

A trusted friend that guides, protects and helps. This can include talking through BDSM concepts, helping to vet potential play partners, and generally being there as a guide and confidant to assist and look out for someone. This can be in person or online and can mean having a person or a venue under their protection. This type of relationship is usually non-sexual and non-romantic.

Puddle is a gender-neutral term of endearment for a masochistic submissive who melts into subspace when their Dominant (consensually) hurts them, rendering them completely useless.

It can also refer to a group of people sharing an experience, such as a "cuddle puddle".

Q4Q stands for queer-for-queer. It’s a dating preference or relationship label used by people who identify as queer and prefer to date, hook up with, or form romantic/sexual relationships exclusively with other queer people. Some people also see this as an orientation.

Q4Q does not specify the exact orientation or gender of the people involved, only that both partners are somewhere under the queer umbrella.

A queerplatonic partner or QPP is a strong partnership that goes beyond friendship. A QPP relationship is often referred to as platonic love and is characterized by a deeper emotional connection, level of commitment, intimacy, and affection than a friendship.

QPP is also sometimes used to describe graysexual relationships. A QPP differs from friends with benefits, which is more sexually focused.

Queerplatonic partners may cuddle and kiss or share other physical affection and may decide to be monogamous or polyamorous together. It may be fully platonic (non sexual, non-romantic), somewhat romantic, or with sexual perks depending on the arrangement between the people in the relationship. There are no rules other than the ones that you set.

A queerplatonic crush is often called a squish.

Relational anarchy (RA) is an approach to relationships that rejects traditional rules, hierarchies, and assumption-based roles in favor of autonomy, consent, and individually crafted connections. People who practice RA don’t rely on default relationship standards. For example, they may not prioritize romantic partners over friends, define intimacy by labels, or follow standard expectations about commitment, sex, or cohabitation. Instead, each relationship is shaped collaboratively based on the needs, boundaries, and desires of the people involved.

Relational anarchy emphasizes personal freedom, communication, mutual respect, and non-ownership. It can include romantic or sexual relationships, but it doesn’t require them. It can coexist with polyamory, queerplatonic relationships, or monogamous choices. RA is not about avoiding commitment. It’s about choosing commitments intentionally rather than inheriting them from social norms.

Origins of the Term

Relational anarchy originated in Sweden and is most commonly linked to activist and writer Andie Nordgren, who published "The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy" in 2006. The manifesto outlined a philosophy that challenged conventional relationship norms, encouraged autonomy, and emphasized building relationships based on consent, mutual respect, and individual agreements rather than inherited rules.

The ideas drew from queer activism, feminist thought, and the DIY ethos of anarchist and punk communities. From there, RA spread internationally through online spaces, zines, and polyamory communities. It eventually became a recognized relationship style and social philosophy.

In Practice

Relationship anarchy is often practiced by people who identify as solo poly, but this is not always the case. In general, Relationship Anarchists consider any kind of connection to be a "relationship," and they manage those depending on what connection is between them. A staple ethos is that they value all connections, but will allocate their time and effort to different connections differently. They determine this allocation based on the connection, not the perceived value it "should" have.

The agreement is that all participants are free to engage in romantic or sexual relationships with people without conventional relationship expectations. They are free to explore and evolve the relationships as they change. The connection between people is rooted in the trust that people will take care of their own needs, take care of their relationships, and will make sure that polysaturation will not cause an issue with existing connections.

How they shape their connections and how they communicate about their connections differs greatly. Common analogies for describing their relationships can involve "galaxies" with attraction forces, drawer cabinets with drawers for a connection type, or a village with different inhabitants.

The most common analogy is that relationship anarchy is the opposite of a "relationship escalator" or "relationship ladder," where relationships are moving  towards a goal like marriage or children. Relationship anarchists are not seeking to "level up," but are just existing in their own space without any levels or steps to achieve. These relationship are connections to have independent of how society may perceive them.

Relationship anarchists may negotiate rules or boundaries with each connection. Communication, transparency, consent, and respect for the safety and feelings of each connection is still an expected in RA despite each connection being customized. The difference is, relationship anarchists don’t place hierarchies or conventions on those relationships by default.

Misconceptions

• Relational Anarchy is not “no rules.”
• RA doesn’t reject agreements, only default, unchosen rules. People practicing RA often make very clear boundaries and commitments. They just create them intentionally with each partner.
• It’s not the same as polyamory.
• Many relational anarchists are polyamorous, but RA is a broader philosophy about all relationships, not just romantic or sexual ones. Some RA practitioners are monogamous or asexual.
• It isn’t about avoiding commitment.
• RA encourages deeply chosen commitments, not the removal of them. What it rejects is assuming commitment based on labels or societal expectations.
• It’s not chaos or lack of responsibility.
• The philosophy actually requires more communication, not less. Consent, honesty, and respect are central pillars.
• It’s not anti-romance or anti-intimacy.
• RA doesn’t deny romance or connection; it simply removes the hierarchy that says romance must outrank friendship or that certain forms of intimacy are more “valid.”
• It isn’t the same

​In the context of BDSM and kink, the term "romantic" generally pertains to the emotional connection and affectionate dynamics between partners engaging in these activities. Incorporating romantic elements can involve expressions of love, tenderness, and emotional intimacy, which may enhance trust and deepen the overall experience. This romantic aspect can manifest through various means, such as aftercare rituals, affectionate communication, or integrating romantic gestures into scenes. It's important to recognize that the inclusion of romance varies among individuals and relationships, depending on personal preferences and boundaries.

It's also worth noting that what those in the BDSM community view as "romantic," may differ from what's considered romantic in vanilla circles. Things like humiliation, degradation, and pain play could all be considered romantic in BDSM when performed in the right way and context. This is also related to the vulnerability required in this type of play.

A Rope Coven is a group of people, often witches and/or goths, who are connected through a shared passion for rope play.

A rope family is a group of people who are connected through a shared passion for rope bondage (shibari/kinbaku or Western-style rope play). The term reflects a sense of community, collaboration, mentorship, and trust built around rope practice—whether for artistic expression, kink, intimacy, or all of the above.

A rope family may include riggers (tops), bottoms (models), switches, photographers, educators, and observers. These families often form through rope jams, classes, local scenes, or personal connection, and may practice regularly together. Members may or may not be romantically or sexually involved - it’s often about creative collaboration, shared learning, and emotional support.

Rope partners are partners that are dedicated towards each other in their rope journey. Their connection is meaningful and goes beyond merely tying with each other. Their connection is often deep and soulful with a lot of trust in place between them. They may feel an emotional or spiritual connection when they tie together and are very familiar with one another; they know what to expect from each other during a session and guide each other in learning how to tie and how to model.

Rope partners may be known as an influencer, educational or performance couple and may not be romantically or sexually involved with one another.

Rope partners are partners that are dedicated towards each other in their rope journey. Their connection is meaningful and goes beyond merely tying with each other. Their connection is often deep and soulful with a lot of trust in place between them. They may feel an emotional or spiritual connection when they tie together and are very familiar with one another; they know what to expect from each other during a session and guide each other in learning how to tie and how to model.

Rope partners may be known as an influencer, educational or performance couple and may not be romantically or sexually involved with one another.

A partnership in ethical non-monogamy that operates at a more constant distance than a comet partner. Alternatively, the term "moon partner" is also used in line with the satellite partner. This type of partnership can mean different things for different people. Here are some definitions:

• Emotionally Distant Partner
  A satellite partner in this sense refers to someone who is physically or emotionally present in the relationship but remains distant or detached. They might "orbit" around the relationship - staying connected in some way - but avoid deep emotional intimacy or commitment. This can leave the other partner feeling unfulfilled or like they’re doing most of the emotional work.

  Example: A partner who is always busy, avoids serious conversations, or seems more focused on their own world than on building a shared connection.

• Long-Distance Relationship Partner
  In this context, a satellite partner is someone who is physically far away but maintains a connection through communication and shared feelings. The term "satellite" reflects the idea of staying connected despite the distance, much like how satellites in space relay signals back to Earth.
  
  Example: A partner who lives in another city or country but stays in touch through calls, texts, and visits when possible.

• Supportive but Non-Central Role
  Here, a satellite partner plays a supportive role in the relationship without being the main focus. They might provide stability, companionship, or encouragement but aren’t deeply involved in the day-to-day dynamics or decision-making. This dynamic can work if both partners are happy with their roles, but it can also lead to imbalance if one person feels neglected or undervalued.
  
  Example: A partner who is always there to listen and help but doesn’t take the lead in planning activities or addressing relationship issues.

• Metaphorical Use – Background Support
  This interpretation describes a partner who is always present in the background, offering love, support, or stability, even if they aren’t always in the spotlight. They might not be the most vocal or visible part of the relationship, but their presence is steady and reliable, much like a satellite orbiting a planet.
  
  Example: A partner who quietly supports their significant other’s goals and dreams, always there to cheer them on or provide comfort when needed.

In BDSM and kink, scene partner is a subcategory of play partner, used specifically for a person with whom you negotiate and engage in desired kink activities (including safety measures and aftercare) for a particular scene or an ongoing series of scenes.

Self-collaring in BDSM refers to an individual choosing to wear a collar as a symbol of their identity without a partner's direct involvement or instruction.

This indicates that the individual in question is collared, but only to themselves.

Not everyone who self-collars is Dominant or submissive. In fact, many self-collar as an indication that they are NOT in power exchange with anyone but their own self, and listen only to their own accountability/authority

This self-collaring can even continue through established relationship dynamics if the individual chooses to do so. The removal of the self-collar is also only up to the individual and not their Dominant.

"Separated" means that a person is still legally or formerly in a committed relationship (such as a marriage or long-term partnership) but is currently living apart from their partner and no longer romantically or sexually involved - at least for the time being.

Someone who is separated may be navigating the end of a relationship while exploring new dynamics, healing, or redefining themselves. They may still be legally married or share other ties (kids, finances, history), but are no longer emotionally or intimately active with that partner. Being “separated” can signal that someone is emotionally available, but also in transition, possibly still processing grief, anger, or change.

A sexuationship is an ongoing sexual arrangement between two people where there is no romantic relationship, emotional commitment, or expectation of becoming a couple. The connection is about sex only.

People in a sexuationship may be single, married, or partnered. The defining feature is that their connection is limited to sex, with minimal friendship and little to no interaction outside of that context. This is often by design. There is typically no expectation that the relationship will progress in any way beyond having sex.

Sexuationships differ from:

• Situationships, which often involve emotional or romantic ambiguity.
• Friends with benefits, which usually includes an established friendship.

A sexuationship is usually characterized by clear (or implied) boundaries, low emotional involvement, and an intentional focus on sex—and little else.

A term of endearment often used to express a deep emotional connection and a sense of being cherished and protected by someone.  The phrase suggests that the person being addressed is an integral part of the speaker's emotional landscape, akin to a part of their soul or a cherished memory. In essence, "shade of my heart" is a poetic and evocative way to express a profound level of love and affection.

Archetypes

• Deep emotional connection: Shade of my heart suggests a strong, perhaps even spiritual, bond with the person.
• Protection and nourishment: The phrase implies that the person being addressed provides comfort, support, and a sense of belonging.
• Part of who you are: It suggests that the person is not just a part of your life, but a fundamental aspect of your being.
• Cherished memories: It can also indicate that the person is associated with cherished memories and experiences.

Origin of the Term

The term originates from Robert Jordan's fantasy novel series The Wheel of Time, wherein the desert-dwelling Aiel people use it to refer to one's beloved. As their traditional saying, "may you always find water and shade," indicates, the Aiel culture highly values every available resource to cool off in the heat of the desert, so calling someone "shade of my heart" evokes an appreciation for that person as deep as a base instinct for creature comforts and survival needs.

Single, as a relationship status, usually means that a person is not currently in a romantic, sexual, or power exchange relationship. It indicates that they are unpartnered, but not necessarily uninterested in connecting with others. Someone who marks themselves as “single” may be open to dating, play, friendships, or exploring dynamics, or they may simply be enjoying their independence.

A romantic and/or sexual connection, possibly exclusive, that's not formally labelled. The space between "committed relationship" and "friends with benefits".

Situationship is often less stigmatizing than "It's Complicated".

Solo poly refers to a person who has a polyamorous style of connection with people but also acts and behaves in a way that resembles someone who is single and independent. They are likely not living with any of their partners nor are they financially dependent on them. This may be a lifestyle choice or due to certain circumstances.

Solo polyamory is often linked with relationship anarchy due to the independent nature of the individual. However, relationship anarchy is not polyamory.

Solo polyamory essentially dismisses the "relationship escalator," a social construct that prompts us to believe that romantic connection should move through stages like cohabitation, marriage, children, etc. For others, this means there is sometimes some fuzziness around what relationships look like to a person who is solo poly, and their connections may be dismissed as "less serious" than relationship that focus on traditional goals like nesting together. This, however, is often not the case for the people in these relationships.

To be sologamous is to marry oneself. This may occur in a symbolic, non-legally binding ceremony that represents a personal commitment to self-love, independence, and growth. Rather than seeking validation through partnership, the sologamist declares that fulfillment and devotion can exist entirely within the self. Sologamy may also be called autogamy

While society often defines love and success through relationships, sologamy reclaims the narrative, affirming that wholeness doesn’t depend on another person’s presence. Most sologamists see it as a ritual that centers self-respect and agency. Many use the practice as a milestone for healing, empowerment, or transformation, particularly after emotional hardship or major life change, such as a divorce.

Sologamy also serves as a declaration of sovereignty in both emotional and erotic realms. Within kink, it may symbolize self-ownership, body autonomy, and devotion to one’s own pleasure and evolution.

Sologamists tend to:

• Create personal rituals of affirmation, such as rings, vows, or tokens.
• Use self-marriage as a form of healing, empowerment, or closure.
• Reject societal expectations that equate singlehood with incompleteness.
• Celebrate autonomy while remaining open to connection or future relationships.
• Treat self-pleasure, self-care, and self-discovery as sacred acts.
• View love as something cultivated inward, not granted outward.

Soulmate often refers to a lifelong bond with a romantic, or sometimes platonic, partner.

The term suggests a profound sense of understanding, harmony, and mutual respect between two individuals, as if they were destined to be together. The concept of a soulmate typically implies a strong emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even metaphysical bond. People often believe that soulmates complement each other perfectly, understand each other on a profound level, and share similar values, goals, and life experiences. The idea of a soulmate can extend beyond romantic relationships to include close friendships or other significant connections where individuals feel deeply connected and understood by each other.

A person - online or in real life - who’s kept in reserve when someone’s primary partner isn’t available or when tensions arise in that relationship. The connection is maintained quietly, without openly acknowledging it.

A squish is usually a strong, non-romantic attraction to someone, similar to a crush but without romantic or sexual feelings. It typically involves a desire for friendship, emotional closeness, or shared experiences rather than a romantic relationship.

The term is commonly used in asexual and aromantic communities to describe platonic attraction.

For some people, having a squish feels a lot like a crush, but without romantic intent. There is still a strong desire for closeness, however, and the relationship may still involve physical affection like hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding.

Squish vs. Crush

A squish and a crush can feel similar, which is why people often confuse them. The difference usually comes down to intent and framing:

• Squish: Wanting closeness without romance.
• Crush: Wanting a romantic relationship.

With a squish, people often:

• Don’t want to date
• Don’t imagine romantic milestones (dates, marriage, etc.)
• Feel uncomfortable being seen as a couple

Squishes are also often described as calmer and more secure, while crushes can feel more intense, nervous, or high-stakes

In BDSM, a step-sister is a person, usually femme, who has an extremely close non-romantic relationship that is, can, or has been sexual and/or kinky. This is much the same as a sister but without the incestuous overtones, which aren't for everyone, particularly in a sexual context. Often used by close friends in the scene who have been described as “as close as sisters”.

ST4T (Straight Transgender For Transgender) is a shorthand used in trans communities, particularly in dating and kink spaces, to describe heterosexual transgender relationships, specifically between a transgender woman (MtF) and a transgender man (FtM).

This term is primarily used to signal a desire for or identity within a heterosexual relationship in which both partners are transgender.

A pet who has no owner, similar to an uncollared submissive that has no Dominant.

A stray might wander between different people or groups. For example, a stray cat might not be in a committed owner/pet relationship but instead bounce around between multiple different houses without specifically belonging to one of them.

 surviving partner is someone whose partner has died. This term is typically used in the context of a deeply bonded relationship, whether romantic, sexual, domestic, or D/s-based. This term is often used when the partnership wasn’t legally recognized (e.g., unmarried, poly, kink dynamics) but was nonetheless emotionally significant and life-shaping.

"Surviving partner" may be used instead of “widow” or “widower” when the relationship was:

• Not a legal marriage
• Queer, polyamorous, or nontraditional
• Based in D/s, M/s, or TPE dynamics

It honors the depth of loss and ongoing emotional connection, even if the relationship doesn’t fit conventional labels. Some surviving partners continue to wear collars, titles, or symbols as a tribute to their deceased partner. The term can signal that someone is processing grief, not seeking new relationships, or open to connection in a healing-informed way.

A switchuationship is an informal or emerging term used to describe a dynamic between two switches where roles are fluid.

Instead of locking into a consistent Dom/sub structure, the dynamic can shift based on mood, context, or desire. One moment it might feel like Dom/sub, the next more peer-based, soft, or intense. The roles may change between scenes, or even within the same interaction.

The dynamic runs on communication, consent, and playful flexibility, with check-ins as the “safety rail” that lets the spontaneity stay hot instead of messy. No hierarchy by default, no ego about who’s “usually” what, just two adaptable humans building a container where switching is welcomed, not explained away.

Taken in hand typically refers to a male-led, monogamous relationship. "Taken in hand" can be used to describe taking control of a person or thing to improve them.

A telemour (often mispelled telamour) is a person connected through two relationship links in a polyamorous network or polycule. In other words, one partner is dating another person, who is also dating the telemour.

Put more simply:

• Metamour: A partner’s other partner.
• Telemour: A metamour’s other partner, or a partner’s partner’s partner.

Being telemours doesn’t necessarily mean two people have any relationship with each other. They might be friends, occasionally meet at polycule gatherings, know each other only by name, or never meet at all. The term simply describes where they sit in the relationship network. It also doesn’t imply that the telemour’s relationship is casual or less important. The “distance” is from the person using the term, not within the relationship itself.

Origins of the Term

The term telemour appears to have been coined by polyamory writer Page Turner on Poly.Land in 2016. Responding to a reader looking for a name for a more distant connection in a polycule, Turner suggested adding the Greek prefix tele- (“far” or “at a distance”) to the -mour pattern already used in metamour.

Before that, terms such as meta-meta and meta-metamour were sometimes used. Telemour was later picked up by other polyamory writers and glossaries.

A throuple is a relationship shared by three people who’ve chosen to build something intentional together. This connection can be romantic, sexual, emotional, or some blend of the three. It’s not always a perfect triangle; each connection carries its own shape. One person might hold deep bonds with the other two, while those two share something quieter - platonic, practical, or undefined.

A throuple is made of four relationships: one between each pair, and one that belongs to all three. While the depth of each bond may differ, there’s usually no set hierarchy. It's just three people committing to show up with honesty, care, and a willingness to let love take the form it needs. Another term for throuple is "triad," although throuple is considered the more informal version of this term.

Each throuple is unique, with members setting their own boundaries and rules around fidelity, intimacy, and personal space. But what defines it isn’t symmetry or sameness. It’s the mutual, intentional involvement of all three partners in shaping a relationship that works for them.

A triad is a romantic or sexual relationship involving three people, where all members are connected to one another in some way. Also called a “throuple,” a triad can take many forms, but it usually involves mutual consent, emotional intimacy, and/or physical connection between all three individuals. Triads are common in polyamorous and non-monogamous circles, and can also include kink dynamics like D/s or shared power exchange.

A triad may be closed (exclusive to the three members) or open (allowing outside partners). The relationship can be equilateral (all three are equally involved with each other) or V-shaped (one person is connected to both others, who may not be involved with each other).

The term tribe may be used to describe a group of people who have formed close bonds based on similar outlooks, interests, vibes, etc.

Similar terms include: circle, fellowship, chosen family, house, crew, team, etc.

Some folks think non-native people using this term outside of its original context may disrespect the significance of tribal identity to indigenous peoples

Uncollared is a submissive who was formerly collared and has gone through the process of uncollaring or one who has not yet found a dominant whom they wish to be collared by.

Giving back a collar is considered a symbolic sign that a relationship based on power exchange will no longer exist. This may also include formally making a contract null and void, if a contract between participants was used.

Under consideration is a relationship stage in which someone is evaluating a potential relationship or dynamic with another person before committing. The term is often used in BDSM or power exchange relationships to describe a trial phase where both people can explore whether they're a good fit. It’s often used as a way to slow things down and make sure consent, expectations, and compatibility are clear before committing to a more structured or long-term dynamic.

Under consideration does not specify the seriousness or what kind of relationship is being considered. It could be monogamous or polyamorous. It could be a switch dynamic, a lifelong 24/7 power exchange relationship, a short period of servitude, or a scene-based dynamic. In more structured power exchange dynamics (such as D/s or M/s), an under consideration period is often treated as an ethical step before committing to deeper authority or long-term roles.

Under consideration is generally:

• A low-risk trial period: Under consideration is often a “no-fault” arrangement where either person can end things at any time without hard feelings.
• A way to test compatibility: It lets partners see if their styles of dominance, submission, and needs actually work together in practice.
• A foundation-building phase: During this phase, people may start building key elements of a dynamic like trust, communication, respect, honesty, and understanding.
• Clarifying consent: Taking time helps distinguish genuine, informed consent from excitement, fantasy, or “new relationship energy.” It helps ensure people don't agree to things they wouldn’t choose long-term.
• Flexible structure: There are no fixed rules. Partners decide together what to include, such as rules, protocols, scenes, or just ongoing negotiation.
• Gradual progression: Dynamics often develop in stages. Rules, expectations, or power exchange may be introduced slowly rather than all at once.
• No set timeline: It can last as long as everyone involved agrees.
• Easy exit: Anyone can end the under consideration period at any time, ideally with clear communication and respect. Ending it doesn’t mean anyone failed. It just means the fit wasn’t right.
• Safety and clarity benefits: It helps people avoid jumping into a full dynamic too quickly and gives them a safe way to assess whether the relationship works for them.
• More than just kink compatibility: It’s a chance to see how you align on communication, boundaries, conflict, schedules, life goals, and emotional needs—not just shared interests or attraction.

Sometimes a "consideration collar" is used in BDSM relationships during a trial or early commitment phase. It signals intention or exclusivity while the dynamic is still being explored. It is generally less binding than a permanent collar, which may represent long-term commitment or ownership.

Being under protection refers to a relationship dynamic in which a Dominant (or more experienced kink community member) agrees to offer guidance, support, and safety oversight to a submissive or newer participant. Protecting isn't necessarily about D/s relationship or sexual play.

Under protection can be valuable for new or vulnerable subs. Being under protection provides a level of safety and credibility while they explore. For seasoned Dominants, it can be a way to guide someone without the emotional or erotic commitments of a full D/s dynamic. Under protection can also help reduce predatory behavior and support consent culture.

This relationship should be clearly negotiated, including:

• Whether play is involved
• What kind of support is expected
• Limits, duration, and emotional expectations

Vetted by is a relationship usually between an individual and an organization who has approved them to attend events.

Each organization has its own standards and process for vetting. Even if someone is vetted by an organization, one should not rely on that to determine if a person is trustworthy to play with.

A widow (female-identifying) or widower (male-identifying) is someone whose spouse or long-term partner has died. This status acknowledges the emotional weight and lasting impact of a deep relationship that ended due to loss, not choice.

Some people use “widow” or “widower” to honor a past partner, especially if the connection was romantic, sexual, D/s-based, or life-defining. It may also signal that someone is grieving or healing, while also open to new connections at their own pace. Some people may continue to use symbols of the relationship - like collars, titles, or rituals - as a form of remembrance or emotional grounding.

When someone is in a "Worshipped by" relationship, they are generally the dominant partner who receives reverent adoration, devotion, and service from their submissive partner.