A supportive non‑LGBTQ+ or LGBTQ+ person advocating for equality.

Someone who is newly out and navigating the community.

A common term in the gay/MSM community to describe a man who is both husky and hairy, usually with a beard or other facial hair. Bears, while often perceived as more Dominant/Top or taking on paternal roles, can also be Submissive or Bottoms. A Bear with gray or white hair may also be called a "Polar Bear."

Within queer culture a bottom refers to a person of any gender or sex who tends to be the receptive partner in any sort of sexual intimacy, whether penetrative or not.  In traditional gay male culture, a bottom is a man that prefers to be penetrated during anal sex.

Identifying as a bottom in this context does not necessarily mean a person is also a kink bottom. One can be a queer bottom and kink top.

Bottom in BDSM and LGBT Communities

A meshing of both communities can often be found with each person having different preferences. Often the motivation for one can either be influenced by the other, or they can be totally independent:

• BDSM Bottom/LGBT Bottom: One that has a submissive temperament and prefers to receive sexual attention. Often sexual this preference helps enhance the submissive experience for this person.
• BDSM Bottom/LGBT Top: one that has a submissive temperament and prefers to give sexual attention.
• BDSM Top/LGBT Bottom: One that has a dominant temperament and prefers to receive sexual attention.
• BDSM Switch/LGBT Versatile: One that can assume either a dominant or submissive temperament, and is comfortable either giving or receiving sexual attention.

Despite all these possible combinations above, it is important to remember that not all people fit into boxes. Many prefer to avoid getting hung up on labels, and just do what feels natural in the moment depending on the partner and the scene.

A boy pussy, or an asshole. We could try to give more explanation, but an asshole’s an asshole at the end of the day.

In gay culture, cruising refers to seeking out casual sexual encounters, often with strangers. It usually occurs in public or semi-public places such as parks, beaches, bathrooms, saunas, bars, or established cruising areas.

Historically, cruising was significant for gay and bisexual men because it offered a way to find and connect with other men discreetly at a time when homosexuality was criminalized or heavily stigmatized. Men often connected using eye contact, body language, and shared knowledge of particular locations.

Today, cruising can also happen in dedicated venues or be facilitated through apps and online communities. However, the term still carries a strong connection to the history and culture of anonymous, discreet, or spontaneous encounters between men.

How Cruising Works

Cruising, especially historically, could be very subtle. Here's some of the ways people showed their mutual interest.

• Eye contact. Repeated or prolonged eye contact tends to be the starting point. If one person looks and the other keeps looking back, that can indicate interest.
• Other subtle cues build on that. Small smiles, a nod, physical proximity, lingering nearby, or deliberately crossing paths again can all signal interest.
• Reciprocation of interest. The pattern usually looks something like this: look, get looked back at, continue looking, then perhaps smile, nod, say “hey,” or move closer. If the other person ignores you or looks away, that is typically treated as a no.
• It can become verbal. Cruising has a reputation for being silent, but people can quietly ask what the other person wants or clarify boundaries once mutual interest has been established.
• The setting changes the rules. Different locations may have different norms about signaling, privacy, and what kinds of interaction are expected.
• People often know where to go already. Established cruising areas may be passed along through community knowledge, websites, apps, or reviews that indicate where people meet and whether a location is active.

Origins of the Term Cruising

The practice now known as cruising is much older than the term itself. But the word cruise originally meant travelling or moving from place to place. Sexual uses developed by the early 20th century. A 1903 book used “cruisers” to refer to streetwalking sex workers. Surviving examples of “cruising” meaning going out in search of a sexual partner appear in gay contexts by the mid-1920s.

Gay Cruising Q&A

A term used to describe a young, husky, hairy gay man. Essentially a young bear.

acronym for "dad I'd like to fuck."

A fairy gay mother is usually a playful term used in LGBTQ+ communities for someone who acts as a mentor, guide, or supportive figure to others, especially people who are newer to queer spaces or exploring their identity. The phrase is a humorous twist on “fairy godmother,” implying someone who offers encouragement, advice, and a bit of queer magic.

A fairy gay mother may help others by:

• Offering advice about identity, relationships, or coming out.
• Introducing newcomers to LGBTQ+ spaces or communities.
• Providing emotional support or reassurance.
• Helping someone feel more confident or comfortable in queer culture

Despite the phrase including “gay,” a fairy gay mother does not have to be gay. The role is typically defined by support, mentorship, and community care. It may be taken on by people of many genders and identities.

The term is usually used humorously or affectionately, emphasizing chosen family and the idea of someone helping others “transform” or find their place in the community.

A portmanteau for gays who like video gaming.

A gold star gay is a man who has never had sex with a woman, and vice versa for gold star lesbians. It’s actually a slightly controversial term, as some regard it as elitist and competitive.

A musclebound, chicken-eating, shake-swilling, bicep-curling gay. A gym bunny, a muscle Mary. All the perks of hot bods aside, some of us are perfectly happy being sofa slugs.

A gathering, party, or a fun get-together for chatting and gossiping.

A muir cap is a flat-topped leather cap that is associated with gay leather, biker, and BDSM communities. While not unique to the leather subculture, it is most commonly found in Dominant/Top gay leathermen communities, and is usually worn by those who are considered experienced or "a Master."  But it is not worn only by men. Today, women, leatherwomen, lesbians, queer people, trans people, nonbinary people, and people of many genders may wear Muir caps or similar leather covers.

In leather culture, the Muir cap can signal authority, masculinity, dominance, experience, or connection to leather history. The cap is usually received as a gift. It is a statement from the gifter, signifying their respect to the person's involvement in the community. It can also simply be worn as leather gear, fetish fashion, or a symbol of self-expression.

Muir caps are often customized with badges, pins, chains, metal bands, or replacement chin straps. In leather and biker communities, these additions may reflect personal taste, event history, club culture, military or uniform aesthetics, or connection to leather tradition. Some riders and leathermen added “run pins” from motorcycle meets or events, while winged badges, eagle motifs, and USAF-style insignia became common decorative choices.

In some older leather communities, the decoration on a Muir cap could carry meaning. A silver brim, metal brim band, or chain was sometimes used to signal that the wearer was a Top. An undecorated cap could be associated with bottoms. However, this was not a universal rule. Meanings varied by region, era, and community, and many people today wear silver-trimmed Muir caps simply because they like the look.

Today, a silver chain, brim band, or badge may carry role significance in some older leather circles. It may also simply match the wearer’s other gear.

Origins of the Term

The name comes from Muir Cap & Regalia, a Toronto company that has been making the cap since 1875. It was initially a uniform/regalia-style cap.

The cap’s kink/leather meaning developed later, through the overlap of postwar motorcycle culture, gay leather culture, military/police uniform aesthetics, and Tom of Finland-style imagery. The Satyrs Motorcycle Club blog notes that the leather biker cap has been called many things, including Muir cap, biker’s cap, master’s cap, old guard cap, leatherman’s cover, Top’s cap, and Dom cap.

Neuroqueer is an identity, practice, or way of thinking that connects neurodivergence with questioning social rules about minds, bodies, gender, sexuality, relationships, and behavior. It is not a sexual or romantic orientation. However, it may be part of someone’s wider queer identity.

People who use the term neuroqueer may be describing an identity, a worldview, or the practice of intentionally challenging these norms. Neuroqueering may affect gender and sexuality, but it can also apply to communication, movement, relationships, creativity, work, and everyday life.

Neuroqueer challenges neuronormativity, or the belief that there is one normal or correct way to think, communicate, behave, and relate to others. It also examines how these expectations overlap with heteronormativity, gender norms, ableism, and other pressures to appear socially acceptable.

The concept is often connected to masking, which involves hiding or changing neurodivergent traits, needs, movements, communication styles, interests, gender expression, or behavior to avoid stigma or appear more “normal.” Neuroqueering may involve unmasking and finding ways to communicate, form relationships, express sexuality, or move through the world that better suit a person’s actual needs.

Neuroqueering also rejects the idea that neurodivergent people are broken or incomplete. It sees neurodivergence as an important part of identity. It can shape how someone thinks, feels, communicates, and experiences the world.

This approach emphasizes self-determination. A person might adapt their environment, relationships, work, communication, or sexual practices to work with their neurotype rather than forcing themselves to follow conventional social scripts. It can also recognize neurodivergent forms of communication and community as meaningful cultures rather than simply collections of symptoms or deficits.

Neuroqueer perspectives may recognize that some difficulties associated with neurodivergence are caused or made worse by ableism, stigma, exclusion, and environments designed around neurotypical expectations. The goal is not simply to use more positive language, but to question the assumptions that define certain minds and behaviors as normal and others as defective.

Not everyone who is neurodivergent or queer identifies as neuroqueer, and not everyone who engages in neuroqueering uses it as an identity label.

Origins of the Term

The term is most closely associated with Nick Walker, an autistic scholar who began using it around 2008. Walker describes neuroqueering as actively challenging neuronormative and heteronormative expectations and creating new ways of thinking, expressing oneself, and relating to others.

A lean or athletic-built gay or bisexual male-identifying person who is especially hairy, but is smaller in frame and weighs considerably less than a bear.

In gay lingo, a pig is generally a bottom who is extremely interested in, and engages heavily and to excess (i.e. "wallows" in) a particular aspect of play or sexuality. It is frequently used as a descriptive and only mildly (if at all) derisive term toward someone with these strong interests. A comparative term in heterosexual kink would likely be "slut."

For instance, a cum pig has a great love and fascination for semen/ejaculate and often craves playing with it. A pain pig is a masochist who never seems to get enough pain play.

Not to be mistaken for piggy play, pig play, or the role pay pig.

A prawn refers to someone with a fantastic body and unattractive face. For the record, everyone deserves to feel good about themselves and not have their head peeled off by someone with fishy fingers.

It’s generally used to refer to a flamboyant or effeminate gay man, although everyone has the occasional royal moment.
(The word “queen” has been a celebrated part of our lexicon for so long that it’s strange to consider that it actually first emerged as a slur.)

A sharp, often humorous critique or public calling out of someone's flaws or outfit. [1]

In gay culture, a "side" is a term used to refer to someone who is uninterested in anal sex. In many cases, this can mean someone who is only looking for oral sex, although the term can also refer to many types of non-penetrative sex, intimacy, and kink.

A Sir/boy dynamic is a power-exchange relationship most closely associated with gay leather culture.

In some gay leather spaces, calling someone Sir can show respect and acknowledge them as the more dominant or authoritative person in an interaction. If the dynamic is welcomed, the other person may be called boy. Using these titles does not always mean the people are in a committed relationship. They may simply be agreeing to a casual, consensual power dynamic.

A Sir/boy relationship is usually more established. The Sir holds authority, while the boy accepts their guidance or direction. The Sir may act as a leader, teacher, disciplinarian, protector, or grounding presence.

The Sir is often the Top and the boy the bottom, but the terms are not mainly about sexual position. They describe authority and roles within the relationship.

In many Sir/boy relationships, the Sir provides stability, experience, guidance, or structure. This can give the boy room to be more playful, spontaneous, or adventurous. The boy may also bring energy and lightness that helps balance the Sir.

Some Sir/boy relationships also have a mentorship or apprenticeship element. The Sir may help the boy gain experience and confidence, sometimes with the goal that the boy will later become a Sir or Master. This is not part of every Sir/boy dynamic.

Overall, the dynamic is not defined by a particular set of rules or activities. It is more about how the people see their roles in relation to each other. Some Sir/boy relationships involve strong control, service, discipline, and formal protocols. Others are relaxed and look much like an ordinary relationship outside of the agreed authority dynamic.

The dynamic can be formal and high protocol, casual, affectionate, or playful. The meaning of the roles depends on what the people involved agree to.

Daddy/boy is sometimes used for a similar dynamic. However, the terms can carry different meanings and associations, and some people prefer one over the other. Similar dynamics exist in other BDSM communities as well, although they may use different terms.

Controversy

The word "boy" has a history of being used to belittle and infantilize Black men. Because of this, it may feel racist or degrading to some people, even within a consensual leather or BDSM setting.

The term should not be assumed to be acceptable. People should discuss its use and receive clear consent, especially when using it with Black men or other people who may have personal or cultural concerns about the word.

Stem usually refers to someone who blends both stud and femme qualities in their identity and presentation. A stud generally refers to a masculine-presenting Black lesbian or sapphic person, while a femme is someone who identifies with or presents in a more traditionally feminine way.

Someone who identifies as stem might mix masculine and feminine presentation at the same time, or move between the two. For example, they might generally dress in masculine clothing while also wearing makeup or other traditionally feminine elements. It’s more about identifying with both sides of that expression than occupying a fixed halfway point.

Someone may use stem because neither stud nor femme alone feels accurate. For some Black queer people, it can also connect their presentation specifically to the language and culture surrounding stud identity, rather than using broader terms such as butch.

Origins of the Term

Stem is a blend of "stud" and "femme."  There's evidence of Black lesbians using the term by at least the 1960s. Femme is older: it comes from the French word for “woman” and became established as a lesbian identity in the United States during the 1940s and 1950s. In working-class lesbian bar culture, femme generally referred to lesbians with a more feminine presentation, often in contrast with butch partners.

The exact point when stem was coined is harder to pin down, but internet archives suggest it was likely around by at least the early 2000s.

The absolute truth, gossip, or inside information.

Within queer culture a top refers to a person of any gender or sex who tends to be the giver (rather than receiver) in any sort of sexual intimacy, whether penetrative or not.  In traditional gay male culture, a top is a man that prefers to penetrate their partner during sex, either anally or orally.

Identifying as a top in this context does not necessarily mean a person is also a kink top. One can be a queer top and kink bottom.

In gay slang, a twink is a young man—typically in his late teens to early twenties—who has a slim or slender build, little to no body or facial hair, and a youthful, boyish appearance. The term generally refers to a specific aesthetic associated with smooth skin, relatively slight musculature, and an overall look of youthfulness.

The word is widely used in gay male culture to describe a body type and style, particularly in dating, nightlife, and online communities. While it often refers to age, it can also describe older men who maintain the same youthful, slim, and hairless look.

Origins of the Term

The term “twink” appeared in U.S. gay slang in the late 20th century, but its exact origin is unclear. One common theory links it to the snack cake Twinkie. The comparison refers to someone who is blond or fair, smooth, and sweet-looking, similar to the cake. Another theory traces the word to older British slang from the early 1900s, where twink or twank meant a foolish or insignificant person. The meaning likely changed when the word was adopted in gay communities. By the 1970s and 1980s, twink was widely used to describe a young, slim man with little body hair and a youthful look.

In gay slang, a twunk is a young man who retains the youthful, often hairless look of a ""twink"" but has a noticeably muscular build. The term is sometimes used to describe someone who has “grown out of” the twink stage after bulking up or starting to work out. In this sense, twunk can function as a kind of progression from twink, referring to a man who still fits the twink aesthetic but with added muscle. The label is often framed as a transitional stage or physical transformation.

When someone ages out of the twink category, it is sometimes humorously called "twink death."

Origins of the Term

Twunk combines "twink" and "hunk." The word started circulating in early internet gay communities, especially forums and chatrooms in the late 1990s and early 2000s. According to Google Search data, it has been circulating online since at least 2004, but became significantly more popular after 2020.

In gay culture, the term versatile (often shortened to "vers") refers to someone who will take on a top or bottom role, and is interested in penetrating another's body, or accepting sexual penetration themselves.

 To proudly show off one's skills, appearance, or confidence.

Usually a lean, muscular guy with body hair on his torso that is probably a bit on the gray side. Typically perceived as masculine and possibly quite assertive.