reading & watching list
Sometimes the best way to feel less alone is to read or watch someone who has been where you are. These are well-known books and films that many people in our communities have found useful. Each one has a line on why it's worth your time. Start with whatever section speaks to you. The list includes voices from around the world, and many titles first written in other languages are available in translation.
We don't earn anything from these links, and they go to neutral pages, mostly Wikipedia, so you can read about each title and find it at your library or a local bookshop. Some titles contain adult content, and some are older, so a few terms may feel dated. See our legal policies.
identity & coming out
- The Velvet Rage, Alan DownsA clinical psychologist looks at the internalised shame many gay men carry from growing up in a straight world, and how to move past it.
- Queer: A Graphic History, Meg-John Barker & Julia ScheeleAn illustrated, friendly tour of queer theory and LGBTQ+ activism, and how ideas about sex and gender took shape.
- Paris Is Burning (film), Jennie LivingstonA classic 1990 documentary about New York's ball culture and the Black, Latino, gay and trans people who built it.
- Confessions of a Mask, Yukio MishimaA 1949 Japanese novel, translated into English, about a young man hiding his attraction to men in militarist Japan.
- Kiss of the Spider Woman, Manuel PuigA 1976 Argentine novel, translated from Spanish, about two very different men who grow close while sharing a prison cell.
- My Brother's Husband, Gengoroh TagameA gentle Japanese manga, translated into English, about a father in Tokyo who learns to welcome his late twin brother's Canadian husband. Tagame is also known for his erotic and sadomasochistic gay art.
Our coming out page has practical help too.
trans & nonbinary
- Gender Queer, Maia KobabeAn honest graphic memoir about exploring gender and sexuality, including asexuality, and finding a place outside the gender binary.
- Whipping Girl, Julia SeranoA sharp, influential book by a trans woman on how sexism and transphobia feed each other.
- Transgender History, Susan StrykerA readable history of trans people and trans activism in the United States.
- Traversing Gender, Lee HarringtonA guide to understanding transgender realities, written by a well-known kink educator.
- Life Isn't Binary, Meg-John Barker & Alex IantaffiExplores what happens when we stop thinking in either-or terms about gender, sexuality, relationships and ourselves.
- Disclosure (film), Sam FederA 2020 documentary on how Hollywood has shown trans people, and what those images do to real lives.
- A Fantastic Woman (film), Sebastián LelioA 2017 Chilean film, in Spanish, about a trans woman in Santiago grieving her partner while his family shuts her out. Trans actress Daniela Vega stars, and it won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film.
See also our trans & nonbinary page.
ace & aro
- Ace, Angela ChenJournalism and personal stories that show what asexuality reveals about desire, romance and consent for everyone.
- The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra DeckerA clear, friendly introduction to asexuality for ace people and the people who love them.
Our ace & aro page covers how ace and aro people fit into kink.
kink & bdsm
- SM 101, Jay WisemanA long-standing, practical introduction to BDSM with a strong focus on safety.
- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W. HardyWarm, encouraging companion guides to each side of a scene, from negotiation to headspace.
- Playing Well with Others, Lee Harrington & Mollena WilliamsA field guide to finding and navigating kink, leather and BDSM communities, from munches to events.
- Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-MasochAn 1870 novel by an Austrian writer, first published in German, and one of the best-known early books about dominance and submission.
Pair them with our negotiation and playing safer pages.
leather history
- Leatherfolk, edited by Mark ThompsonA landmark 1991 collection of essays on leather sex, people, politics and practice, by people who lived it.
- Tom of Finland (film), Dome KarukoskiA 2017 drama about Touko Laaksonen, the artist whose drawings shaped how the world sees leathermen.
Our own leather history page is a quick overview.
relationships & non-monogamy
- The Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton & Janet W. HardyThe classic practical guide to open relationships and polyamory, with exercises for working through jealousy.
- When Someone You Love Is Kinky, Dossie Easton & Catherine A. LisztA short book for partners, friends and family trying to understand someone's kink.
See also our kink with a partner page.
health & hiv
- How to Survive a Plague (film and book), David FranceHow ACT UP and TAG activists pushed for the HIV treatments that save lives today.
- BPM (Beats per Minute) (film), Robin CampilloA 2017 French film, in French, about the AIDS activists of ACT UP Paris in the 1990s. It won the Grand Prix at Cannes.
- We Were Here (film), David WeissmanA moving 2011 documentary in which San Franciscans remember the AIDS years and how their community cared for its own.
- And the Band Played On, Randy ShiltsA 1987 account of the early AIDS epidemic and the political failures that let it spread.
For today's prevention and care, see sexual health and living with HIV.
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