bi+ & pan

some words

Your label is yours. Attraction doesn't need to be 50/50, and you don't need to have dated every gender to know you could.

myths

• "It's a phase on the way to gay." For some people a label changes, and that's fine. For most bi+ people, it doesn't.
• "Bi people cheat." Attraction to more than one gender says nothing about monogamy. Bi+ people are as monogamous, or as open, as anyone else.
• "You're straight now" (or gay now) because of who your partner is. Your partner's gender doesn't change your orientation.
• "Bisexual is transphobic." Bi organisations have defined bisexuality as inclusive of trans and nonbinary people for decades.

bi erasure in gay spaces

Many bi+ men hear "just pick a side" from gay men as well as straight people. Some hide being bi on apps or in bars because they've been turned down for it. That pressure is part of why bi+ people report worse mental health than gay and lesbian people in many studies: being doubted by both communities is tiring.

If you're gay and you meet a bi+ man, the kindest thing is simple: believe him. If you're bi+ and the gay scene feels unwelcoming, you belong here anyway. Our shame & mental health page covers minority stress and where to get support.

bi+ in kink

Kink spaces are often more mixed than gay bars, and many bi+ people find them a relief: munches, pansexual play parties and fetish clubs that welcome all genders. Men-only leather and gear events still welcome bi men; the door policy is about who's in the room that night, not about your orientation.

• Look for "pansexual" events if you want to play with or around more than one gender. In kink, "pansexual event" usually means open to all genders and orientations.
• Be clear in negotiation about what you want with whom. Our negotiation checklist works for any genders.
• You don't owe anyone a history. Nobody gets to quiz you on "how bi" you are before you play.

partners & coming out

Coming out as bi+ can happen more than once: to a partner, again when you date someone of a different gender, and again to friends who assumed. If you're in a relationship, telling a partner doesn't mean anything has to change; it means they know you better. Our questioning & coming out and telling a partner pages have scripts that work here too.

Some couples with a bi+ partner open the relationship; many don't. Either is fine, as long as it's agreed rather than assumed.

health

Sexual health advice depends on the sex you have, not your label. If you have sex with men, the PrEP, DoxyPEP and testing advice on our sexual health page applies to you. Tell a clinic what you actually do, so they offer the right tests, and include cervical screening if you have a cervix.

support & community

• Bisexual Resource CenterA long-running US bi+ organisation with guides, a bi+ awareness month each March, and resources for partners and families.
• Bi.orgArticles, community and a global directory of bi+ groups.
• BiNet USAA national bi+ advocacy network in the US, and the group behind Celebrate Bisexuality Day (23 September).
• Bi Pride UKUK bi+ events, community and support.
• The Bisexual IndexA UK site with plain-language answers to common bi questions and myths.