buying your first gear
Good gear lasts for years and makes you feel incredible. Bad gear pinches, smells, falls apart or isn't safe inside a body. You don't need much to start. Buy a few good pieces you'll actually use, and add to them slowly.
General information; see our legal policies. Shops are on our shopping links, and looking after what you buy is in gear care. We don't earn anything from the shops we list.
where to start
- Try before you buy if you can: at a shop, a leather market at an event, or by borrowing from a friend.
- Start with one versatile piece: a harness, a pair of boots, a jock or a simple latex top. Build an outfit around it later.
- Measure yourself before ordering online: chest, waist, hips, neck, biceps and calves. Every shop's size chart is different, so check theirs, not just "M" or "L".
- Adjustable beats fitted for a first harness or cuffs. Buckles cope with weight changes; snap-fit pieces don't.
leather
- Full-grain or top-grain leather lasts for decades and softens with wear. Bonded leather and PU ("vegan leather") are cheaper, but crack and peel, sometimes within a year.
- Look at the hardware. Solid brass or stainless steel buckles and rings last; plated metal rusts and snaps. For anything that takes weight, like a harness ring in bondage, ask the maker what load it's rated for.
- Stitching should be tight, even and on every load-bearing seam, not just glued.
- Boots: buy them a little snug in the calf; leather stretches. Break them in at home before a big event.
- Vegan options exist from several gear makers; ask about durability and stitching the same way.
rubber & latex
- Latex thickness is usually 0.3 to 0.6mm. Thinner is cheaper and clingier but tears more easily; around 0.4 to 0.5mm is a good first choice.
- Made-to-measure latex costs more but fits far better. Follow the shop's measuring guide exactly, and ask someone to help you measure.
- Chlorinated latex slides on without lube; standard latex needs dressing aid or lube to get into.
- Latex allergy is real. If you react to latex gloves or condoms, don't wear latex; try neoprene or PVC instead.
- Neoprene and sports gear (wetsuits, rash vests, lycra) are tougher, easier to clean and cheaper. Great for rubber-curious people.
- Heat: full rubber and latex trap heat. Drink water and take breaks at parties.
toys
safe choices
Platinum-cure silicone, stainless steel, borosilicate glass and hard ABS plastic. They're non-porous, so they can be properly cleaned. Our gear care page explains how for each.
skip or cover
"Jelly", PVC and cheap TPE/TPR toys are porous, can hold bacteria, and some contain phthalates. If you have one, use a condom over it, and don't share it.
- "Body-safe" is not a legal standard. Buy from shops that name the material, and be wary of very cheap "silicone" toys from marketplace sellers.
- Anything for the bum needs a flared base or a handle, so it can't slip in. That includes tails and plugs.
- Lube: don't use silicone lube on silicone toys unless the maker says it's fine; use water-based. Oil breaks down condoms and latex.
- Electro: for pads and probes, only use battery-powered units made for erotic electrostimulation or TENS, never anything homemade, and nothing above the waist. See activity safety.
restraints & rope
- Padded cuffs with buckles spread the pressure; thin metal handcuffs can damage the nerves in your wrists, and many tighten by accident. Choose cuffs with a quick-release clip.
- Rope: jute and hemp are traditional, grippy and hold knots well; cotton and MFP (synthetic) are softer, cheaper and washable. About 6mm thick and 8m (25ft) long is a common length.
- Buy safety shears (blunt-tipped paramedic shears) with your first rope, and keep them in reach every time. They cut through rope, tape and straps fast.
- Skip zip ties and duct tape on skin. They're hard to remove in an emergency; use bondage tape that only sticks to itself.
More in our rope & bondage guide.
second-hand gear
Gear swaps, auctions at leather events and second-hand sites can save a lot of money. Leather, rubber clothing, boots and metal or glass toys are fine second-hand once cleaned. Don't buy used porous toys (jelly, TPE, cyberskin) or anything you can't fully clean. Ask the seller how it was stored, and check leather for cracks and rubber for sticky or brittle patches.
diy & budget
- Usually fine: wooden spoons and spatulas for light impact, soft scarves or ties for light restraint (they can tighten, so keep shears close), blindfolds, feathers, ice, clothes pegs (for short periods only).
- Not safe: anything homemade that plugs into the mains or uses batteries for shocks; plastic bags, cling film or anything else that could cover the nose and mouth; household objects in the bum without a flared base; and cheap carabiners or hardware-store chain taking body weight.
- Learn to make it properly. Leatherworking and rope classes at clubs and events are a good way in, and they're social.
shipping, customs & travel
- Discreet shipping: most specialist shops ship in plain packaging with a neutral name on the label and bank statement. Check the shop's policy if it matters to you.
- Import taxes: ordering from another country can add VAT, duty and handling fees. Brexit made this common between the UK and EU.
- Some countries ban sex toys, fetish material or "obscene" items, and customs can seize them, or worse. Check the law before you order or travel; see your rights.
- Some items count as weapons in some places: certain knives, batons, stun devices and handcuffs can be restricted. Leave them at home if you're not sure.
- Flying: pack toys and metal gear in checked luggage, clean and with batteries out, and expect your bag might be opened.
