Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy in which a person may have several consensual romantic and/or sexual relationships at the same time, with everyone involved aware of them. The connections vary widely, but polyamorous relationships are usually ongoing or committed rather than purely casual.
Polyamory is not one fixed model. It is an open framework in which the people involved agree on how they will relate to each other and to others. Most treat it as a relationship structure they have chosen, though some experience it more like an orientation, something innate that does not change. Polyamorous people often describe their setup in shorthand such as "solo poly", "kitchen table" or "closed triad", but these labels never replace actually talking through the detailed agreements each relationship relies on.
The word joins the Greek poly, "many", with the Latin amor, "love". Unlike monogamy, whose root gamos means marriage, it is about love rather than marriage, so loving several people can sit alongside having a single marriage. It is often shortened to "polyam"; the shorter "poly" is also common, though some avoid it because it is used by Polynesian people.
Shapes and styles
A network of connected partners is often called a polycule, and the people who share a partner are each other's metamours. Common terms include:
- Triad and quad: three or four people all linked through their relationships with one another.
- Vee: one person, sometimes called the pivot, with two partners who are not involved with each other.
- Solo poly: someone who keeps their independence, often living alone, and has several relationships without ranking one above another.
- Hierarchical and non-hierarchical: whether some relationships, often called primary, take priority over secondary ones, or no relationship is ranked by default.
- Anchor or nesting partners: partners who live together or rely on each other for practical support, without that implying a ranking.
- Kitchen-table and parallel poly: whether metamours know each other and talk things through together, or stay aware of each other while keeping their relationships separate.
- Polyfidelity: a closed group that agrees not to take on new partners, sometimes once its members feel they have reached polysaturation.
- Mono-poly: one partner is monogamous while the other is polyamorous with their agreement.
Polyamory overlaps with relationship anarchy, which removes default rules and hierarchy altogether, and it can include asexual people and relationships that are romantic without being sexual.
Cheating and polyamory
Having more than one partner does not mean anything goes. Cheating in polyamory means breaking the agreements that were made, such as hiding a new partner, ignoring a sexual health agreement or overstepping a boundary, and it can damage trust as badly as in a monogamous relationship. Honest communication, regular check-ins, STI testing and care for every partner's feelings, including metamours, are what keep polyamorous relationships ethical.
