The oral act of applying sexual stimulation to a vulva using the lips or tongue. Often focused on the clitoris, but also stimulating other parts of the vulva.
Origins of the Term
The term cunnilingus comes from the Latin "cunnus," meaning vulva, and "lingere," meaning “to lick.” In classical Latin, cunnilingus referred to a person who performed the act rather than the act itself.
Setting Up a Scene
There is no single technique that works for everyone. Good cunnilingus is usually less about performing a complicated trick and more about paying attention, communicating, and responding to the person receiving it. Here are a few tips:
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- Make Sure Everyone Wants It
Cunnilingus can be amazing for both the giver and receiver—but only if they're both into it. Ask what your partner enjoys, whether any areas are especially sensitive, and how they prefer to communicate during sex. Some people may also want barriers such as dental dams.
- Take Your Time
Beginning slowly gives your partner time to become aroused and helps the giver learn what feels good. Kissing and touching the thighs, hips, vulva, and surrounding areas can build anticipation before more direct stimulation begins.
- Learn the Anatomy
Learn the basic anatomy of the vulva, then get to know your partner’s body specifically. The clitoris is much larger than the small external glans visible above the vaginal opening, which means stimulation across different parts of the vulva can feel pleasurable. But sensitivity and what feels good where varies between people.
- Start Gently
Gentle, broad contact is often a good place to begin. Try using a soft, flat tongue on or around the vulva before experimenting with more focused licking, circling, pressure, or light suction.
- Pay Attention to Feedback
Breathing, sounds, muscle tension, hip movement, and verbal instructions can all offer clues about what feels good. But body movements are not always easy to interpret, so be sure to check in with your partner too.
Helpful questions may include:
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- “Do you want more or less pressure?”
- “Do you like it here?”
- “Faster or slower?”
- “Do you want me to keep going?”
- Be Consistent
When your partner says something feels good, avoid immediately changing speed, pressure, or position. Many people need steady, repeated stimulation to build toward orgasm. Novelty can be enjoyable, but constantly switching techniques can be frustrating for the receiver.
- Follow Their Lead
Your partner knows their body better than anyone else. They may give verbal directions, guide your head, move their hips, or position themselves more comfortably. Follow their guidance!
- Use More Than the Tongue
With consent, cunnilingus can be combined with fingers, toys, kissing, massage, or stimulation of other parts of the body. Lubricant may also help reduce friction, especially during longer sessions. (Flavored lube can be great here!)
- Do Not Make Orgasm the Only Goal
Some people orgasm easily from cunnilingus. Others? Not so much. But that doesn't mean they don't enjoy it. Make sure your partner does not feel pressured to orgasm or perform a dramatic response. This can really kill the vibe!
Know When to Continue—and When to Stop
If your partner is approaching or experiencing orgasm, continuing the same movement may feel best. Others become extremely sensitive and want stimulation reduced or stopped immediately afterward. Follow their instructions and cues rather than making assumptions.
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- Get Into Giving
Enthusiasm is the sexiest skill you can bring to cunnilingus. This might be expressed through eye contact, affectionate or dirty words, sounds of enjoyment, or unhurried attention. Just be sure to avoid turning that into pressure or making the receiver responsible for proving that they are having a good time.
- Offer Care Afterwards
Ask your partner what they need after you're done. Formal aftercare is not always necessary, but checking in helps ensure that both people feel comfortable and cared for.
